Good day. Exercise, met Gloria at the gym, she invited us to her church: Pleasant Grove Church. 10am. Are we ready?
About to watch a movie, once Steven and Gimli get back from their walk.
Praying about our role here, meeting friends and all that. When we pray, we see it happen.
Meanwhile, we dance. Exciting to be social again. And the weather is turning warm for a bit. I have B Complex for mosquito bites :)
Papa has done some great things for us. I'm awkward about this last zinger. It's a great zinger and a first timer for us. We'd like to know that it is a permanent zinger for a while, as we don't have confirmation on it. Everything changed this year, and it's just not clear as to how much it's changed.
While we are enjoying being stunned, our kids have no clue. As they should be adding to the family good stuff, they are not, and have never had a mind to do so.
I guess that's weird for me because in my childhood family. We all wanted something successful in our lives. With a dad who insisted we do it without higher education. Steven's family did and they actually got it, no one left out. Even the negative happenings didn't affect the family good stuff, because they were launched. Steven having self-launched painfully alone. It took him 27 years, but he launched himself.
So though we were never launched, but rather surprised by instant poverty, we still managed to overcome those huge hurdles. Our kids did not. Wanting to be great at something they like happened, but the payment for their efforts was not important. Yes, they want more than they have, but are nauseated by getting rewarded by the cash they need to survive well. It doesn't last.
So here we are, able to help them in a year's time or less, but how to do that when they don't care about income? That's the dilemma. If we gave our son a down payment toward living space that would be his, will he actually do his part to keep the space?
And with daughter, if we funded her massage school, would she get through the course or quit in an angry fit of rules, rules, rules.
Or should we just leave it as a surprise for after we are gone and just not see what they do with it?
Jesus, wisdom, please.
Last night, I had coffee before dinner. It was 8pm before we ate our 7pm dinner. Good thing we had dinner at 3pm :)
Steven is outside warding off bugs with a safe spray. Again. Hopefully, it works as it says.
Have the eldest in mind, after our missions info Sunday service. During. I'd rather focus on Jesus. When I talk to her, my mind is mad at her for deserting God and the work he's had in her family. There are so many lessons to learn. I pray she takes them to heart as I do. Humans deeply secreting sin is a very serious matter. I'm sorry, Jesus, that this happens. Because of Your blood, it doesn't have to.
Later... Since last night, when we saw a guy wearing a hat similar to Steven's, we realized that it went missing somewhere between here and Washington. Steven insisted that he saw it last in his van. Took that apart today. Nope. When I was looking for it last night, I thought I should look behind this pillow, then got distracted with other places to look. Today, I looked and there it was. Was that Holy Spirit helping me? Sigh. I need to tune in better to how God helps me and be clear enough about these events enough to write them down. I kept seeing that pillow in my head. Ticker tape? Sometimes I get these repeat things in my head. Listen better to my gut? Hmmm... I hope to learn more about how God works with us to find things and to discern what He's up to and is calling me to help with. Partner in.
Steven is napping now. I did a bit of language studies today; enough to cover the day. Trying to back off treating Sunday like any other day. It's a day of rest with God.
A bit antsy today. That's a call to talk to Papa. To thank Him for everything in some detail.
Tonight is the masked ball :) Steven's napping and we're fed until 6pm, when we will eat whatever. It'll be fun.
Talked with bro's widow a long time today. Glad we connected. She had a hard week and had to face some hard truths. I also filled her in on more family drama that I just learned. Now she knows why I was so frank with my words the morning after family news. She says she wishes the family were more honest about what they will help her with, instead of offering , then reneging, while blaming her for asking? Bad memory plus dementia in the family. The eldest siblings are most prone since we are just a few years younger than mom. The eldest is there now. How do we know? Math. Mom started forgetting to turn off Middle bro's stove in about 2002. She died last year. That's 21 years ago. The eldest is 22 years younger than mom. Then there's that last phone call. Ut oh...
Widow lady keeps eldest bro company. He's okay, just two years behind the eldest. Since he's not full of himself, he'll be okay, but he monopolizes conversations for 3 hours or more.
Meanwhile, Widow lady may or may not end up with landlord man. He loves her. Sigh. Too soon, too soon.
God knows the end from the beginning. I'm just watching Him work some of it out. What a privilege :)
I look forward to getting started with Randy Clark's book/workbook with Steven. We both want to be better prepared for come what may. We had another one of those encounter days yesterday. Time to get knowledgeable about that stuff :)
Steven is mowing the lawn and getting his next week's to-do ready. It's not raining, so daswhy.
I got my copy of the Randy Clarke Workbook. This is our way of belonging to the conference in Bethel this week. We'll go through it together, because we can. Not having found like-minded folks here as yet, we stick closely to our Bethel family. They'd like more of a connection, but the reason we are here also keeps us from being worker bees for Bethel here.
Came back from the chiropractor today. Such a good deal to do it this way. Still, would like a massage now and then. But that requires a listening ear to her stressful life, which doesn't help me relax. Kinda at cross purposes here. That's humanity.
Walked around Nugget, found my ceylon cinnamon caps and also a promotion table for manuka honey skin care, which is just a good thing for me right now. Hits on my problem spots; Steven's too. Happy to use manuka without the sugar load, just through the skin. She's very mixed in race, from NM, knowing that she is also European.
Also ran into a German traveler trying to pic out calcium. She saw my frame and declared, "You look strong. What do you take?" She was intense. Love my world of humans :) Special present for today :)
We still talk about the RV that is right for us. The longer we vacillate and explore the options, the more they present themselves. Or God presents them. Steven is leaning hard on the tallest one we can find with a high top that isn't a climber. Yeah, I get it. I like the climber, but I'm not metallic on top. The versatility is great. The fall isn't :) It means we get to sit up there and enjoy the scenery, even use the camera to enjoy it, or even paint :) I think I like painting from a postcard, too. I'm saving pics online to possibly paint. Such beauty :)
Tomorrow is our masked ball. Saviing my feet for the occasion, trying to massage them with a good cream. Maybe the manuka cream will help? I didn't think to replace The Rub when we were there. Ack.
Later... Thinking of things to do this year, that we can actually do... energy efficient stuff and some of it is reimbursable, according to a neighbor who did it.
Other to-do's?
1. Replace the running board lights on the Subaru.
2. Personalize this house. Hang pics, paintings, etc. It's nice to not have so many personal pics in frames. My wall of peeps is more in focus in their 8x10 prints.
3. Get the door curtain on the master patio door. The comforter there is tacky, but insulates.
4. Get the Breville toaster recommended. Maybe not. It's really big and heavy, too.
Later... Texting with family. Yikes. I liked being able to take the phone off the hook. I can turn this thing off...
Reality quagmire alert... Mom died without an executor of her will. That means probate. How exactly does that work?
So the merry widow is frustrated. She wants the offspring to solve her dilemma, but none of us can do that for her. Legally, mom's estate goes to probate. Don't know how these things work when one doesn't prepare for the end properly. Steven's dad had an estate with no will. It took Amy 2 years to run probate, traveling from back east to the west coast. Wasn't friendly, but I'm sure her ex hubby lawyer helped.
What else can I say? It's not much, but enough for her to sail forward for a year, I think. I suggested she just eat it, instead of getting mad at the family that mom didn't trust. The other thing was that we all cared for mom at our own expense for the most part, since she retired at the turn of the century. This gal didn't. In fact, she awaited a windfall that didn't happen. Now she awaits other windfalls that aren't happening because of court delays. Not fun. Meanwhile she lives rent-free in kind of an ideal situation, but anything can happen.
Love you, my brother. See you later.
It's 6am and I've been up for a while now. Maybe because I didn't journal yesterday before retiring. It was late. The movie ended late. But I did that before.
Ah, I dreamed last night and it wasn't so nice. So I pray for that scenario's possible reality in my life. There is unfinished business but Jesus covers us and knows what to do. Amen, thank You, Jesus :)
Meanwhile, it's Wednesday and a rest day, as Steven has called it. I'll do the gym and he will rest.
A good reason to have Gimli with him at nightj is that Gimli is like an alarm clock for most things. Steven needs that.
Plans? Yeah. The rest of the week is rest time for Saturday's event.
Jana had a vitamin suggestion for me yesterday. She's full of helpful info on the fly. I mentioned the mosquito thing. B Complex. Got it. I had just replenished my vitamin supply. That one isn't in it.
How am I doing? On this discovery day, I don't know yet the answer to a question. I hear my hubby coughing from his space in the house. I'd like to do something fun, but he's tired today. Have to pay attention to that. If he says he needs to rest, then he will need to rest.
I'm looking at our various memories lining the top of the kitchen cupboards. This house reminds me that I can see into all but one room from my recliner. Ha. It's not smaller than our first house, for sure. It's actually just right for us, plus probably one more. I can't imagine our old friends stuffed into this square foot type house with their four kids, too, for years :) The only thing that ended that house was their split. They all survived it well, and it happened after nearly 40 years. That's a weird thing to think about, now that we are quickly on the way to 50 years. They were older than us, by far.
But back to this house. There are neighbors that have much bigger places. I wonder if we had gotten something the next size up. We tried that, but at the time, it was a buyer's market. Being in a hotel for 2 months was a lot of expense. But we got in with the interest rate low and as we get older, we won't be having to size down again. I think it was the sizing down from 2400 sq ft that makes it a bit of a push. But sitting in that previous space, where we lived nearly always on the first floor, we knew we could do this for sure. It was just hard to say goodbye to all that new stuff we stuffed into it :)
Then there's the reality check that happened this year. Still no regrets. Most of the time. We actually have more wall space here with tall walls. It's not a little thing to be tall and have tall walls. That's why we'll probably go with a tall wall van :)
Here's a thought to write down...
I collect neat travel pics of France and put them on my own group website. For me, I don't need to go to France. Steven can't go anyway. We both get terribly travel sick. And we had done so much traveling over many years when we were younger that we can actually imagine that a pic is a place we've experienced. Fantastic images minus the travel sickness that lingers. Even when we reached camp 14 hours later, travel sickness didn't stabilize for me for 2 whole weeks. That's about 2 to 4 thousand feet up in altitude and feeling exhausted. In my 20's. We had a good run, until he did the military 5 year thing, at which point, we stopped traveling. So these 30 some years later, we are content to look at other people's pics. They are mostly from young travelers like ourselves. Older folks don't do that. Younger folks love to save memories. Older people tend to complain about their next health adventure on the road. Ugh. I feel privileged to be on the adventure with the young folks who are so kind and smiley.
In my 60's, it was the ER drive to Seattle from Vancouver, BC. I just didn't trust the health care system there. I'd rather drive all the way home and do surgery while being travel sick than be away from my trusted places that I went through great pains to place in my life.
Daughter wants us to take a train to see her, but she moved away from a decent hospital, so that isn't happening. Sigh. When we age, we need to be less adventurous. And frankly,
We are here, just 2 1/2 hours from our beloved believers gang. If we need to travel from there back here, it's 2 hours' drive. Bethel is our Israel destination local to us. They are global and people travel from all over the globe to fellowship and train at this great place. It's why we are this close and not closer. We are in proximity to an airlift, if needed. Meanwhile, Bill prays for a great hospital in Redding. I know this scenario well.
Being older is such a blessing to us. A new experience for us, with older rock and rollers (not us; they remind us of his brother) dancing the early evening away. We learned to dance for our old age. I'm glad we are here and that we know better than to spend everything on travel. Speaking of which...
I'm sorry for the offspring of those folks who are just not mindful of their kids. Unless they just have a lot to spare. I'm happy that we get to bless our kids and we won't be here for the thank you. It's something we didn't have ourselves. Didn't prepare them well for college because Steven was in college when they were growing up and he wasn't done until they were grown. So sad. It taught us that we can do better than that. Every generation should do better than the last. We have these sorrows in common. Double whammy on the family inheritance. Poetry!
So us hanging out with really well off individuals and people with many grandkids who dance with them on the dance floor on Friday nights is a thing. Do they realize that if they just stay put, their families will do so much better? Nothing like hitting the brakes on your family. It's at that realization of inheritance's benefit that you get that family is so important. I think my dad got that in his old age when he realized that his mom gave him a boost. He tried, but the way he was in personality wouldn't work to be living with any of us. His inheritance went to that folly and he died broke, leaving what he had left inadvertently to one son of six offspring.
I'm happy that cameras are so well made now. It really is like being there :)
Love this community of peoples who come from all kinds of places. The one thing we have in common is the planning of aging stage. It brings us all together. Our younger families don't get this like we all do. They don't understand aging at all. Daughter refuses to enter the lodge area because of the old folks. For us, it's home. Our son would love this life. Maybe he'll do it later. He has no idea that we live like this. But he is just starting to get on his feet in his 40's and he did it with Jesus. Jesus just knows what to do.
What to do on a rest day...
Explore Bethel's book store. I wanted to check out something I saw advertised on FB recently.
Update: Found it :) Got it and another one from Randy Clark on healing. He's at Bethel right now, this week. I found that if I know where his heart is in detail, I do these conferences better. There is so much to read at their bookstore. One of those things we have time now to do together. That's been a renewed share with us. I used to read to Steven as he worked on the car, before kids.
As Steven reclaims his place in Jesus as knowing Him in 3rd grade, but just carnal for a while, then being married and going off for 27 years on his own adventure and now having returned from it and assuming that third grade beginning again, I wonder about the growth aspect. Maybe being detained spiritually is just part of being a worker bee in the secular world. He's more open, but also very babyish (narrow) about his perspective of our place in Jesus on Earth. I don't see the growth that should be there over the years, but Jesus knows where he's coming from. The book I got today for us to read next places me in the beginnings of my art, painting, where Steven has been since he was young. We'll let a spiritual artist take us to a different level at the same starting point. It can happen :) I love the idea of growing spiritually as a full time activity. No distractions anymore. He reminds me so much of his eldest brother, kind of just sticking to one subject in life, his secular work. Maybe we need to do some housecleaning. Maybe our fun stuff is too worldly and takes up space. I don't know.
A leader recently said not to do these journaling things online. But this is private and not on social media. I hope he's doing it somewhere :) I don't have anyone to process with. Steven doesn't get this. He is grateful for his continuing miraculous life and doesn't go past the one subject, even whispering it as the answer to every question in our books. I wonder if that isn't what happened to his brother. If you refuse to grow, does your dialogue just stop in its tracks on that one favorite subject? Like if you make a face often enough, it'll freeze that way?
Here is another opportunity to go forward. With all these new things, books, experiences, I get very excited and get to learn new things. I don't miss out. I don't want Steven to miss out as we are doing these things together.
Later...
Steven naps. But we did things today:
Out to breakfast at Four sisters. Yum attack! Got the call he was expecting as we awaited our food. All is well. Another idea came to mind after they chatted :) A way to deal with things at 70.
Costco, ouch my feet.
Home to browse and think about things we've been putting off. Like a scooter for me. Or that podiatrist and PT referral for my back and shoulders. I suppose I should do these things while I can, before April.
Looked at RVs. Found another solution RV. How about a cushy traveling van with the added hidden popup? It's higher than the other kind we were looking at, when the thing is collapsed. Anyone looking inside can see that it's just a van. No longer than any other car on a driveway here...
Now, for sitting on our hands for a while...
This is a new day for us. Thank You, Papa.
Later... As we started to watch a lame movie found on Paramount, the eldest called. Poor crazy gal actually told me I was losing my mind. Sigh. Because I was fidgeting with my uncomfortable braces on the FaceTime. She taunted just like she did when we were young. Only I'm too far for her to beat up. Her hubby's hands have been full for years... Now she's losing it so much. I was reminded of mom's last days. She saw Jesus and enjoyed His company while her daughter did her mean thing (ignoring what she asked for and shouting orders). I assured her that end of life things are unpredictable and in the end, we are all responsible for making arrangements.
Other things have come up just today as we had our mystery solved to our advantage. There is a bit of mom cash coming to help pay for her final resting place that she insisted getting. I thought that was done, but it isn't.
Why the sudden contact? It was her birthday and I initiated a sibling chat to say happy birthday. The other siblings also said happy birthday. I somehow knew she would be in contact now. And she was. She didn't know how to do this. My brother's widow has called her for help with hubby's bonds. She wanted to tell me she wasn't ready. I assured her that nobody wants to deal with it. The eldest's answer is always no. It's all about her. I assured her that it was really all about our brother who died. Their long relationship. We are all a mess. It's not just her, but to her, it is and always has been. I assured her that the widow is in the worst spot. He was sick for 4 long years. She doesn't care about that. But she has talked with the stepmother, who is wicked and I gave her a clue. I wish she was nice, but she's not. She's been riding her, especially since he died. So mean.
So here we are. Humanity all ugly spread about. Jesus died for us because we just can't do right without Him. Thank You for Your great sacrifice. And for Your healing that happens when asked :) And sometimes eventually because we just don't know to ask.
Freshly showered after a week and a day---my hair is so dry, I hate to wash it. Then I remember my Emm, who had such dry hair, but also had liver trouble. Hmmm...
Made my online order of things I'm running out of, but can't get locally. Am trying new things for diabetes control. I think I'm okay because of the keto diet of low carbs.
Gimli goes in for a wash and squeeze today. I'm caught up with my gym routine, yay. Getting used to the new routine is a thing. I think it's helping to visualize my going in before I do on the scheduled day.
Dentist this week. They are trying to get my tooth project over with. My teeth aren't there yet. I wonder if it's because I don't use the electric toothbrush anymore. I like the new toothbrushes.
Today is fresh veggies day. Off to the health food salad bar with my own dressing in tow.
The donut shop experience stopped my digestion abruptly. Bad oil. That was last Friday. Four days later, I'm almost normal again.
Tomorrow is mystery #2 solve day.
Daughter had a nice bday and her bday twin appreciated the birthday wishes especially this year. She's learning social call from her siblings. When you just don't know what else to do, you look directly around you. Joe is teaching her, too. I've noticed her learning from me these last few years. Not her fault. She really tries. Can't be getting older and isolating even more.
Will be washing floors today, while Steven is out with doggy. He loves to just do stuff, but he's kinda hygiene-challenged like his mom. He'll say he did something when in fact, he hasn't because he didn't see the need. So that's where I come in. My mom washed carpeting and floors every Saturday. His mom waited for the washer to overflow to get the kitchen and just vacuumed the rugs when they seemed dirty. Otherwise, she brought in the dirt and horse leavings with her encrusted boots. Ew.
Later...
Ended up running Gimli to the groomer with Steven and he ran errands, mostly by himself. My feet wore out after doing the Nugget circuit. We hunted down portable salt things to bring our own salt. We got salads and used oil and vinegar. No sweet stuff added to our salads. Boo. That makes a difference for me. Parmesan crackers were good.
A friend has her 50th anniversary this year. The kids are planning something. I knew her right up until her youngest was born. He's about the same age as my daughter. Interesting family. We just seem to reconnect anyway. Our son sang in the choir her husband organized. I have a pic... Our common friend is estranged from both of us. Widowhood can do that, I guess.
Movie night. A bit late, but I've been able to do that lately, and still get to bed on time and wake up on time :)
