12/2/23 Up

 After an uncomfortable confrontation tonight, I'm up. Tried sleeping earlier, but that messes with my sleep routine of retiring at 12am, so I lay there for an hour. Oops. Time to be up and go back down. That's the way it works.

Being grateful is the only way out of this awakening. Looking around at my Christmas decor on display and knowing that I really got a great present for Christmas: A great outcome for the project we've been working on for quite a while. A good result from lots of research.

Going through the ornaments, I picked some and Steven picked his favorites for this year. We have so many that we can just go through them instead of shopping for new ones, and find things that remind us of this year. Steven thought of that this year.

For me, it was Vineyard Santa Maria church

Marching band guy

Lizzie

The animals, dad's tin soldier, Adam's stocking, Myrtle's stocking. I forgot what the extra stockings were for and I guess we got extras for when Adam, Laura and Kailey were with us back when. Adam on the scooter, Charlie Brown band, the ginger bread house, a disney music box, the Everett fireplace, the santa hats and sweaters, the candy cane lane sign and a couple on the lighted artificial tree we replaced last year. Bath hand towels. Yeah, the rest of the tin soldiers: Elvis, the miner, the sax player stuffed animal. I think that's enough.

I managed to not flip the Blaze calendar from October until the last day of November :) Current now in December :)

What can we get next year?

Gift people

a motorhome, if cheap enough

with the motorhome, we can see Napa Valley

give more to Bethel

help our kids better

fix up the patio

get a housekeeper

send school money to Blaze. help with his airfare here.

take short land trips

not have to take out loans to catch up.

see what it really takes to be retired by the month

do some conferences. a neighbor has a good pet sitter.

I am grateful that it wasn't like Susan said for us. Her disability was better than her retirement, but I forgot that her disability was from SS and that is slightly higher than her retirement. Ahhh...

Im grateful that the way some big companies work, they actually set you up to retire by making you put your raises into savings that they invest with. 

Im grateful that Steven got a degree in business, though it was long coming, and he had few options, but business was one of them. Since he pretty much decided his life without my input, I've just now figured out that he did it all for the purpose of getting to this point. It's hard to be left in the dark all the time.

But other things come with single income families, like leaving the band a tip. He likes to do that alone. It's his money.

We have working moms because some men don't really believe the money isn't all theirs. Like my dad. Well, he thinks all money is his anyway, under his roof.

Even so, I haven't put myself out there in this house. I've let Steven just stomp around and enjoy his last days. But these are also my last days. Maybe I'm tired and just don't want the disruption.

It's 1:37am now. The nights can be a quiet time. What is up tomorrow? 

What would I like for Christmas? I like colorful blouses that are long. They cover my (still there) love handles. I look forward to losing more weight. It's a lifestyle for me, this keto thing. Steven can't lose more, but I'm set on doing more pound loss. 

Thankful for my wall of people, that only two are missing and no one is suffering.

I pray Adam miracles in the wild and with work. May he find the wisdom to solve his housing stuff. There's a great place waiting for him :)

Later... Managed to sleep again, yay. Up at exactly 9am. Thanks, Papa.

Looking for Xmas presents today. Ugh. I'd rather go to a store, but it's the weekend. 

Extra long leg stuff means men's more comfy pants. Steven's researching leg warmers. He found stuff in Scotland but he's also doing laundry, so...

Don't like this autocorrect that begins all my sentences. Christmas lights are on, background lights on dim. Dark days now. Need sunlight.

Up a pound from last night's clam chowder which is basically anethema for diabetics: i.e., potato soup with clams. In Heaven, no bad foods sneaking into any menu every again.

RV shopping 2024

 Time to get going on the RV thing. Did this before; they deleted my last new RV blog.

Ridiculous prices out there because of the growing mobile community.

I even found a tiny house with $950 per month lease near the sea. Hmmm...

There are tiny houses on owned land, skoolies, right sized class A's, and extra wide class b's to consider. My HOA may accept a small class B. I've seen them on driveways here. But we'd have to do the build. Steven says that's too much a project for him.

I'm watching youtube and travelers in vans in Europe and across the US. Free land camping everywhere. But those folks are still quite young. Could be my kids, who are getting too old for nonsense and just want their own houses :)

What about getting some land for  son in Maui?

12/1/23

 Time to blog...

I slept through the night :) My routine is good, so long as I do it right. TV was off at 10pm, but I took all the right meds last night:

1/2 Kirkland sleep aid

1 Dr. Berg sleep aid

Heart meds

1 Tudca

1 aspirin

If there is any deviation from this list of meds, I don't sleep.

Mistakes in my history of this routine?

Elderberry at any time either knocks me out when it kicks in the next morning (!) then I'm drowsy all day. Recommended to me by Jana as a sleep aid. Not for me.

If I run out of Dr. Berg sleep aid, I'll be awake in 3 days. So keep it in stock.

The tudca keeps my liver and body in good regulation. I also take one in the morning.

What about the project at hand?

Latest paperwork filled in and mailed off. Another request to go back to work happened yesterday. Ignore if already handled. Official numbers came a couple of days ago. I wonder if there will be a gap between now and when everything is adjusted.

Still in wonder that things actually work out when you do the paperwork right and when actually working the job so very long in your life. Still wondering what the eldest gets, but not enough to ask because everything turns into a mad contest with her. I wonder how long she will retain her marbles... 

That reminds me: Must pray for these folks, especially because they are so good at hiding their madness.

My mind presses on how next year will bring us such extra blessings to share and to help us to not need anything more.

Daughter needs training bucks. Massage school.

And son? How to help is still a mystery. The gypsy life that he loves, and is just in need of a permanent solution. Pray he doesn't get a lay off notice from the new owners.

I didn't have the means to help him 20 years ago when he asked for a bundle to start his own mechanic shop. It would have been a way to do his skills without so many licenses in specific skills. Fear of tests is a pain. Because inflation was so ridiculous where we all lived, I look back and can only sigh.

The rest, well, they have to run their journeys with Papa.

I read about a gal whose daughter strayed for a while. So heartbroken was she. Me too. There are no words.

11/30/23

 Breakfast at the Lodge today :) Christmas tree going up. Must fine Christmas music on the TV.

Now, everyone knows that mom and Marty flew off to Heaven this year :) The last to know was Nicole, our server at the Lodge. She shared a pic of her 1/4 Colombian nephew. That made me think: Mom is 1/2 Colombian, 1/4 Portuguese, 1/4 Jewish. 

James and Mercedes - Jewish and Portuguese

    Alegria and Antonio - Jewish/Portuguese and Colombian/Spanish

        Mercedes and Miles - Jewish/Portuguese/Colombian and Irish/English/French

            Me and Steven - Irish/English/French/Jewish/Portuguese/Colombian/Spanish and Irish/English/Scot/Norwegian

                Adam and Amber - Spanish/? and Jewish/Irish/English/French/Portuguese/Colombian/Spanish

Sheesh. I didn't count the Arab in the Spanish since it's a thing.

Looking for Christmas music on the telly. Fail. But I have CD's that work in the TV. Brian and Jenn Johnson, it is. Not Christmas, but then Jesus all year round is perfect :)

Later...

Steven being strokey today. Have to notarize something and he's skipping info and insisting he's not. I'm right here, Steven. I get flush when he does things like this. It's vital that he doesn't complicate our lives. When he does this, it gets complicated and takes longer and we're in a time crunch.

Our appt is set for today. Whew. But he insists he didn't do anything wrong. Also, his voice gets very quiet when he's on the phone and puts it on speakerphone, too. But he's right. Ugh.

Later... Time for coffee. I guess I'm doing this daily now :) It helps, since Steven is in his own world. I call you out of your world and into this real one, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Quiet afternoon. Wearing the sweater I ordered last year and didn't wear because it was too warm outside. It's warm, being wool and cotton. I like it. The design? Almost like The Chosen's beginning animation :) Didn't know that and we weren't watching The Chosen at all when I ordered it. Love it :)

Later... Made a type of keto silk chocolate cake. One piece was plenty. So rich, so good. Same taste as anything I've had before. Love the icing and will use it again. The cake? I will add arrowroot and make a rich chocolate cake that will rise. Best batter ever :)

Don't know how SIL is doing but I will pay closer attention. She's pooped out and in bed at 5:30pm and will be up for a 4:30am counseling meeting with her favorite person back east; also Marty's favorite person. It'll be a hard Christmas for her. The partner/landlord comes home from a business trip that took a month and wants to kick her out. He asked for rent, but the law is holding up her money on two things that she'd be out of there if she had it when it was supposed to get to her. The family doesn't know it so they bug her to just get any old job. She's born for more than that. They'll see later. For me, she doesn't need much right now and we help her get by. She's good at economizing.

Having my stuff deleted is a pain, but I don't mind. It all goes eventually.

Thinking about writing for old folks. Something evangelical for the library here. Keeping my ears open.

11/29/23

 First day back at the gym. Pooped but warmer :)

This thing needs to stop auto typing, just because I begin a sentence differently than they want me to. 

The next stage is good. Going forward, paperwork matches, have our stuff just in case we need to contact folks. Current numbers to call, to have on hand. I see the tedious work they did for our aging people so that it is as easy as possible to follow as the years pass. Glad to live in this place. Not a place boasting about its advantages like others do because we are already flooded with people from less benefited countries.

All is well. 

I wonder what others are getting compared to us. I know we are lesser as a rule, as we don't have the usual culture traditions of the current age. Still, I wonder. 

A friend needed a bit of help today. So glad to be able to help a little. The eldest passed on her poor people stuff from her catholic thing to a family member. All will be fine for her soon. In the meantime, it's all good. No, really :)

So now we find ourselves in the position to be able to pass on what we can as the need arises for the first time. I pray we have many years together. It's just time.

It's okay to feel misunderstood on this earth, because, well, I am, for sure. Communications need increase, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Strange not to have mom calling anymore. Or baby bro. I get annoyed at the aftermath that needs working out. I wonder who holds up the production line for the widow. I'm glad not to be that.

I visualize myself doing more in the future. We want to travel and be in different settings, to be more a part of life as we can, increase, grow, have good friends. A little young to be here, it's easy to be distracted by where else we could be. 

French blog day 3?

 Today I blog with translation from French to English because Google is crap. So annoyed to have 12 years of blogging stolen from me. 

But I trudge forward with today's challenges.

Still on the road to the projected next stage. Steven spoke with the new boss he's never met who never returns his calls. But he fancied returning his call yesterday. And now we can move forward with the next step in the homework that only presents itself when we move forward. Forms, forms, forms...

In speaking with the W sibs, it's funky to say I'm officially at that point. They make a lotta bucks. I volunteer, then retire with similar benefits. They've long put their opinions about having a spousal unit's bennies, disregarding my presence. But as I see it, at least two of them are now volunteering and loving it; one paid, the other also paid but because of being the CEO of an NPO. Yes, I know all about this, having been the administrator of one years ago. 

So the room got quiet when I said I was going down that path and not that hubby is doing so alone. Fortunately, I said it with glee, forgetting how they are about such feminist topics. I'm for women more than they are in so many ways. Irony.

Yesterday's doctor report was supposed to free me to do whatever I want, only this new leg doc disagrees a lot with VM, so I am leery to take the lot of her advice. I'm looking up stuff she opposes today...

Later... I looked up my leg condition and indeed even UCMC agrees with what I told the doc. I won't be asking her hard questions and will instead find another specialist in the future. She needs to read the findings in her native tongue, which is Chinese. She's OCD so that will explain a lot. I loved my OCD at VM.

Had leftover turkey with cranberry sauce that is getting sour with age, and leftover salad bar from yesterday. Pumpkin pie with a blue can of whipped cream: Low carbs, whole milk based. Mmmmm... I didn't have to make it :)

Weird to continue losing weight by second nature instead of hard focus. Just have to find the culprit bag of faux flour that tastes like metal and rust and dump it.

Steven sleeps while I tap away at the keys. Trying to stay present today, but I'm jetlagged from yesterday's long drive and discussion with the dumb doc. What to do tonight, since the day is gone... Didn't make it to line dancing lessons. Not sure if that's a good idea for Steven, since he tends to be disruptive in a classroom. Some things never change... 

No word about covid infecting certain family members this month. Whew. 

Becky is warming up to me these days. I mentioned that we were related and she liked that. She's gathering family troups to herself since her family is shrinking a lot. Mine too. She asked me about the keto I do since she happened to do it this last year but doesn't know where to go for great recipes. That's a thing, for sure. Go see the Keto Twins, since they try all the wrong things and have the same taste as normal people do. 

Reset argh

Had to reset my google stuff and lost many docs in the process. Cheap computer means cheap sh--. That's life. 

Had my neuro appt today. My very Chinese specialist says I have no signs of Parkinson's but she isn't a specialist. UC Davis does have a Parkinson's clinic, if I want to pursue it. My GP there says he felt my shaking right hand. No word from VM about any testing and in fact the test she was able to grab from the transfer records she said wasn't there at first had no mention of a brain bleed that happened at the time of my brain imaging.