For Christmas, my husband got me the 2nd volume of Pseudepigrapha. These transcripts add so much life to Papa's Word :) The characters come alive inside the Scriptures I know so well. Rebecca's heart was so toward her son, Jacob. She and her husband, Isaac's father had a bond that Isaac didn't even have with his own dad. I relate to Rebecca and Jacob so much. Rebecca, for being so right about something with little support. She was probably the only Papa lover in among her siblings. Abraham had his Isaac, but his heart wasn't true toward Papa. Papa loves the truth. Will we step up, even if it means we stand alone for nearly a lifetime? That's a real sacrifice.
Like Rebecca, I stand alone as a mother. Like Jacob, I stand alone as the default receiver of the blessing. It had to happen.
To have a desire for Papa's heart is a gift from Him.
To have a good reputation is also a gift from Him.
To have discernment is another gift from Him.
All good things in our character are gifts from Papa. We have to want them; truly so. Not so we can usurp another's blessing. Our eyes are always up. That is another gift. There would be no resulting conflict or competition over these issues if the ones who missed out had their eyes up. They'd get it. If they got it, there would be blessings all around. The fact is, that they receive not because they ask not. Ah, Rebecca and Jacob. Now we deal with the new dynamics. May we have peace throughout our lives no matter what. Jesus' blood covers all kinds of resulting consequences. That is the blessing of living after the Cross. Thank You, Jesus.
Us
I hope to use this blog as a daily record of Papa, Jesus and Holy Spirit's daily interventions in my life. They are quite daily! I don't want to travel backward, but present; not future, just today. May my every entry be clear.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Insight on being a parent
Papa has said to be a certain kind of parent. To be cognizant that you must impart certain things in your kids; to not spoil them by neglecting to teach them that Papa is Provider and nurturer; to believe Him about these important truths that they must begin to know early in years. If you fail to impart wisdom in your kids, they are set up to learn it all the hard way. And they reach out to you in adulthood and demand they have their way via, well, you. You have the money now, so why not?
Because we are not Provider. We depend on Papa for it all. No matter how much money happens to be in our possession.
This is the hard part of being a parent of an adult child. We must sit on our hands and let them flail until they realize Papa is near, and know for themselves that He loves them so deeply.
I wonder about what kids are really like at heart as young adults. How much impartation really sticks with them. How much is learned by hard knocks, and how much they believed of what they were taught. They believe what we believed from the heart. We pass only our hearts along. If that much.
We will soon move away and leave our 30 year old son to himself. He is well trained, but loathe to be on his own. He has had a couple of near death experiences; one was his own fault. He has almost been married. He's a father. He plays computer games and is antisocial for the most part. He has chosen not to be educated formerly. He must reap what he's sown. He won't move out. And it's time for us to go.
My mother experienced the same thing with one son. But she and dad were mostly absent emotionally from us. It's no surprise that they lost the son that was spoilt. That I would have the same experience is unacceptable. As parents, we knew Papa at a young age and read everything we could get our hands on to make sure we did right by our kids. Maybe it happened because he is adopted.
I have pondered the effects of society on our kids. Our son is just like the local boys. We live in the lowest rating state in the US for education. Yet its people believe they are superior to everyone else. That Jesus will return first to Hawaii. No need to know the Word, to apply oneself. Not something I ever taught my kids. But I have a 2nd child, a daughter, seven years younger, who got out of here at age 18, and whose change in environment has made a huge difference in her outlook. She grew up with values she doesn't remember having been taught. She hates the young men of this place, for they are childish and mean. Or else they are legalistic and have deep issues and outbursts they cannot explain. It is an Asian culture (85%), with a growing resentment of the mainlanders who have "stolen" their island. Yikes. It's time to move. Fifteen years is long enough. I'm ready to go. To leave my son to himself, to the culture he has embraced, though its people will never embrace him. It's matriarchal and haughty, and very tribal. The foolishness never ends. I'm weary of it.
I'm a mainland parent, a first generation believer in Papa's ways. There is no place for me here. I had ministry from 1996 to about 2003. I brought in what I could. They tasted it, but mostly, they spit it out. I'm at a place of wiping my feet and moving on. My part is done. I look forward to getting back to a healthy culture, to making friends and starting over. Papa, take us to Bellevue. Adam has to grow up. He will when we're gone. I'm grateful I don't have to see it happen.
Because we are not Provider. We depend on Papa for it all. No matter how much money happens to be in our possession.
This is the hard part of being a parent of an adult child. We must sit on our hands and let them flail until they realize Papa is near, and know for themselves that He loves them so deeply.
I wonder about what kids are really like at heart as young adults. How much impartation really sticks with them. How much is learned by hard knocks, and how much they believed of what they were taught. They believe what we believed from the heart. We pass only our hearts along. If that much.
We will soon move away and leave our 30 year old son to himself. He is well trained, but loathe to be on his own. He has had a couple of near death experiences; one was his own fault. He has almost been married. He's a father. He plays computer games and is antisocial for the most part. He has chosen not to be educated formerly. He must reap what he's sown. He won't move out. And it's time for us to go.
My mother experienced the same thing with one son. But she and dad were mostly absent emotionally from us. It's no surprise that they lost the son that was spoilt. That I would have the same experience is unacceptable. As parents, we knew Papa at a young age and read everything we could get our hands on to make sure we did right by our kids. Maybe it happened because he is adopted.
I have pondered the effects of society on our kids. Our son is just like the local boys. We live in the lowest rating state in the US for education. Yet its people believe they are superior to everyone else. That Jesus will return first to Hawaii. No need to know the Word, to apply oneself. Not something I ever taught my kids. But I have a 2nd child, a daughter, seven years younger, who got out of here at age 18, and whose change in environment has made a huge difference in her outlook. She grew up with values she doesn't remember having been taught. She hates the young men of this place, for they are childish and mean. Or else they are legalistic and have deep issues and outbursts they cannot explain. It is an Asian culture (85%), with a growing resentment of the mainlanders who have "stolen" their island. Yikes. It's time to move. Fifteen years is long enough. I'm ready to go. To leave my son to himself, to the culture he has embraced, though its people will never embrace him. It's matriarchal and haughty, and very tribal. The foolishness never ends. I'm weary of it.
I'm a mainland parent, a first generation believer in Papa's ways. There is no place for me here. I had ministry from 1996 to about 2003. I brought in what I could. They tasted it, but mostly, they spit it out. I'm at a place of wiping my feet and moving on. My part is done. I look forward to getting back to a healthy culture, to making friends and starting over. Papa, take us to Bellevue. Adam has to grow up. He will when we're gone. I'm grateful I don't have to see it happen.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Water and Love
Without love, nothings gets done the right way. Nothing lasts. It's easy to think, well, yeah, I know, I know, I've heard it a million times. But one can take a lifetime to simply learn how to BE while loving continuously. No stopping for breaks, for attitudes, for anger, for hostility coming at you. Love never stops. It is eternal.
But sometimes I don't feel like, nor remember to love. What's that all about? Why can't I remember to love? Why do I stop?
Ah. Love is Papa's constant. When we grow weary, we must refresh and refill and regenerate our spirits, so that love can continue its good work in us.
This has been the ongoing lesson in my Christian life of 37 years. I haven't tried to identify this way of Papa's. I take for granted that we all know to do this. To allow ourselves time to stop and refill, so we can go again.
We refill with Heaven's water that anoints, refreshes and endows wisdom for the day. Holy Spirit fills us with His freshness daily. Jesus' Word is our food. Communion needs to happen. Bread and wine await fresh partaking. I wonder how Heaven will be about refreshing.
I'm deep in intense counseling right now. It wears me out to find myself teaching basic things to someone who behaves as if he'd been in a coma for 40 years and is suddenly awake. I hope it all sticks :) Everything I say must be responded to with a yes, I believe, for it to penetrate. So simply we are made! Believe, or not believe in what is true; what Papa has revealed in His Word is priceless to the everyday of this short, precious life.
Water and Love. Constant washing, no need to attend a retreat, but retreat daily. The more you do it, the more it will feel like an awesome retreat. I love those with other people. Who knew it would happen in my own living room?
As I ponder the wonder of Papa's presence on me, my heart goes to the young man down the hall. I wonder how to get through. He's another one who managed to slide by all that is wonderful that has passed through this house. When he finally encounters Papa, he'll have a long way to go traveling inward in Papa. I wish I was the one to take him there. Papa, cover him the way only You know how :)
But sometimes I don't feel like, nor remember to love. What's that all about? Why can't I remember to love? Why do I stop?
Ah. Love is Papa's constant. When we grow weary, we must refresh and refill and regenerate our spirits, so that love can continue its good work in us.
This has been the ongoing lesson in my Christian life of 37 years. I haven't tried to identify this way of Papa's. I take for granted that we all know to do this. To allow ourselves time to stop and refill, so we can go again.
We refill with Heaven's water that anoints, refreshes and endows wisdom for the day. Holy Spirit fills us with His freshness daily. Jesus' Word is our food. Communion needs to happen. Bread and wine await fresh partaking. I wonder how Heaven will be about refreshing.
I'm deep in intense counseling right now. It wears me out to find myself teaching basic things to someone who behaves as if he'd been in a coma for 40 years and is suddenly awake. I hope it all sticks :) Everything I say must be responded to with a yes, I believe, for it to penetrate. So simply we are made! Believe, or not believe in what is true; what Papa has revealed in His Word is priceless to the everyday of this short, precious life.
Water and Love. Constant washing, no need to attend a retreat, but retreat daily. The more you do it, the more it will feel like an awesome retreat. I love those with other people. Who knew it would happen in my own living room?
As I ponder the wonder of Papa's presence on me, my heart goes to the young man down the hall. I wonder how to get through. He's another one who managed to slide by all that is wonderful that has passed through this house. When he finally encounters Papa, he'll have a long way to go traveling inward in Papa. I wish I was the one to take him there. Papa, cover him the way only You know how :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Impossible :)
Lately, things have come up that tear me up inside out in first response. I wonder if I've becoming more quickened to the call of intercessory prayer in this house of prayer. I'm alarmed more easily and I have to stop what I'm doing and pray for a long time for the distress at hand. I must deal with it. Now. My heart feels compressed. The situation is impossible.
The word "impossible" causes me to jump for joy. Papa loves answering the most impossible prayers, and my faith leaps. I just need to remember "impossible" and define the new event as such. Then my heart rests and faith takes over.
The word "impossible" causes me to jump for joy. Papa loves answering the most impossible prayers, and my faith leaps. I just need to remember "impossible" and define the new event as such. Then my heart rests and faith takes over.
Spiritual Father
It is so heavy on my heart how grateful I am to have a spiritual father, finally, in my 50s. Bill Johnson of Bethel Church in Redding, California is my spiritual father. He doesn't know me personally, but he's shared his heart so thoroughly, leads a life that I so would like to mimic, and I realize that with all the mentors from whom I've gained wisdom, Bill is really the only one whose heart has been laid bare, and I like what I see. Bill isn't a perfect man, he's quite human. But as an example of a godly man, a father, an example of a good husband, well, I wish I'd known him all my life. In Heaven, this void will be gone forever. Thank You, Papa, for Bill :)
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