12/31/23 What to do

 As we hunt down the right van for us, we happened upon the right style for us today. Exciting. But can we find it for less? I'd love to do that. We won't spend a lot. Bigger and a gas guzzler would be so much cheaper. I'll look :) Meanwhile, Steven is looking at plain vans to buy in order to create one for us. Uh, that's too much for him. No big power tools cutting metal will keep him alive. Last time he used a jack hammer on the floor in Everett, a year after his open heart surgery and installation of a titanium cage, and I wasn't present, nor did I imagine that he would defy doctors' orders on purpose. As it turns out, he doesn't do stupid things on purpose. He's just not cognitive anymore. The other day, he pressed arm and chest weights when I wasn't present. I was completely out of sight, forgetting how forgetful he's become. His aorta is leaking in several places. That machine is just off limits now. That machine caused his first heart attack. Sigh. I can't help but pray that he gets a miracle this year for all new parts from Heaven. Let it happen with lots of witnesses. God's faith applied. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm up still at 4am. But it's been fun. I need to let myself stay up and enjoy the wee hours now and then. I have time for a nap later. Maybe that's why I didn't sleep last night. We were going to dance, but decided after naps to hold off until this big day. Meanwhile, we triked yesterday to get some exercise in for the day.

Looking at my Josh family pic. Poor Hannah, she's having a day. Poor Noah looks like me. La familia.

Time for salvation for this young man. Papa, give them Your faith so they can reach him, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Later...

About to leave for our NY party. Lots on my mind, but all laid at Jesus' feet. He knows. He just does :)

I want Steven to have many years ahead to enjoy his final years. It's hard for him to not give it all to the kids. No worries. I remind him that I'm here too.

12/31/23 Up

 Good morning, Papa. I love You. Thanks for fixing my sleep this year. For books that teach me about You. For Having Your faith.

Bring our families back together. Bring the prodigals home again. Noah, Krista, Sporky, Amwam. 

Keep us safe tomorrow as we all celebrate a new year.

I love You. No matter what, it's all been seen and known by You. Lovely You.

12/30/23 Slept :)

 I slept. I was awake enough this morning to let Steven know that he has to stop coming into the bedroom to dress, to take Gimli for a walk before I'm up. This morning, he was in there at least at 8am. So this is the thing, if I haven't written it down here yet... Sleep doctor put me on a sleep routine that is 12am to 9am. If I should wake before 9am, I can't get up until 9am anyway. So I lay there until 9am. If I don't, the next night will be wakeful. That makes it the ruined routine of today added to the ruined routine of tomorrow. Two nights of bad sleep is just a bad deal. 

I have to turn off all electronics, all screens by 9pm every night. I do this. I take all my meds and sleep meds before bed. This means the evenings are filled with God's books and study, which I love. I'm just not used to doing this at night, but I got used to it. I go to bed and wake at 9am. This has been happening for 1 year. So when Steven botches up the schedule, it'll take me some time to get it working for me again. Too much to ask? This morning, I reminded him again of my sleep schedule and he says he'll take his morning clothes to his room tonight. But then he'll forget again... Sigh. I hate having to tell him to be nice. It's really a matter of bad versus good health for me.

Why am I like this? The sleep doctor says it's because of my childhood history. Mom put the top three kids to work at age 10. We babysat all night, sometimes 7 days in a row, with coming home at 5 or 6 am, then the rest of what was left went to school, exhausted. The sleep doc knew how to fix this. Since I was up so late at night as a child, I wouldn't be able to sleep before 12am on a sleep schedule and he was totally right about that. If I try to alter this sleep schedule in any way, I'm up all night. The consequences are up all night. If I try to wake up earlier and then get up, I don't sleep that night. I'm happy to know what to do. Wish Steven would actually comply. But in the almost 52 years I've known him and his family, each person watches out only for themselves, and if that gets hard, they check out. Lesson learned via his siblings and parents. There are just four siblings left of the seven and both of his parents were gone too soon. All were resolvable dilemmas.

So we eat right, mostly keto, which solves all health issues and avoids any future ones, and I get sleep, too. The rest is just God's clock :)

Today, we triked to the top of the park hill and around town for 50 minutes. Beautiful day :) Eggs for dinner with veggies. Fresh veggies.

Steven announced that we are better covered this next year than expected. That will give us an emergency fund. Yay. Thanks, Papa :) Some of that will most likely take our mortgage balance down to a reasonable roar :)

12/29/23 Slept :)

 Quiet day today; sent a funny dance movie to Lisa, who loved it. Showed her my dance movie collection. She disapproved of one that I showed her. Didn't show her Mama Mia because she doesn't approve. WhatEver. One she disapproved of was La La Land. She says it was overrated. So not so, if you understand music, which she doesn't have a background for. Our movie differences are a lot. I don't like any British snob movies, which she dies for, however family they are rated, ugh. My kids didn't like Veggie Tales. Too noisy. My kids don't like Disneyland, so... Different strokes, for sure. Her house was crackin with music lessons and really high pitched noises for my poor ears. My kids' too. It was a matter of physical tolerance; not anything else. We didn't disapprove...

Steven naps before the dance. I should too. 

Listened to youtube through the day and have lots to absorb about this new life. Read the books, this is a good refresher and hole filler :)

AS long as we plan our days, we will be okay. It's a weird thing to need to plan things ourselves now. But we live in a place that makes it so possible, I'm grateful to be here :)

I love this kind of lifestyle. It's got potential anytime I want to be active in it. So many are so active. Otherwise, we are not volunteering because of our health and need to just jump in the car at anytime and head downtown to the hospital.

The pool and dancing available just the right amount of time; we go to a New Years party, our first ever, and we managed to find money for it, which we decided is a good emergency fun for such things like this :) There will be two bands and wandering buffet representing at least 4 countries. One entire room is for just desserts. This is what we can do. No travel, no. But this is near the house.

When I think of our situation compared to that of our kids, it's just reaping and sowing. I'd rather be on this end of it. It was really hard, but reaping happens when it's really hard to work for so long. I'm glad my kids enjoy being able to live without having worked much in the world. Not traditionally. I'm glad the country will see to their needs anyway. It's just that way :)

Later...

Up from my nap. Deep sleep :) Ready for dancing. But will we be overdoing it for New Years' Eve?

At least I napped. Haven't done that in a while.

Mulling over what faith really is. Good book. Glad to have access to the best :)

12/28/23 Up

 Went to bed at 11:30pm. Shoulda stayed up...

Turned the light down on this thing, I'll write, I guess.

It's good to see the decorations for Christmas up in the house. I love decorations, even for the regular thing. Thinking about how to trim the house for the rest of the year, I like the pillows. It's just not so colorful in here without them.

Tomorrow, things will come that we ordered and Steven will have his liver ultrasound. That won't be until 2pm. 

Update: Liver test done. The xray person said everything looked good, but he still needs that confirmation from the internist. Yay.

Meanwhile, we have other things to accomplish tomorrow. Like activating the movie thing on the TV that I already pay for, but haven't accessed yet. Duh. All to get Thursday night football, which is too expensive to get in other ways.

Update: Connected and watched football tonight :) All our stuff got here safe and sound. 

We are just 4 days from the new year. We definitely need to liven it up around here:

1) Dancing

2) Regular exercise

3) Lessons

4) Triking during the day

5) Trip to Apple Hill

6) Keep looking for that RV

7) Take some local road trips

8) Go find the Sand Pond

9) Go see the Aurora Borealis.

10) Go to the movies on Wednesdays

11) Do conferences at Bethel. It's not enough to be online.

That reminds me, for Christmas, Steven got me accessories for the Subaru that may be obsolete next year.

I have to remember what I got him for Christmas. We try to be even about gifts:

1) Rollaway desk

2) Goggles

3) Bible

4) Massagers

5) Computer tool set

6) Bethel Christmas mug

For both of us:

1) Hand muller

2) Car vacuum

3) Rabbit ornament

For me:

1) heated gloves

2 and 3) Subaru nets

4 and 5) B Johnson books

6) Bethel hoodie

7) Bethel Christmas mug

8 and 9) Leg warmers

10) Goggles

For others was da kine

1) A 300

2) Am 200

3) B 100

4) O 100

From families were cards that take up a window's blinds :)

From Abby, a puzzle

From neighbors, cookies and jelly

For O, because she's my brother's new widow and is between lives right now

For B, because he's my family's youngest and my special guy. So glad he's working and loving his job.

For Am, because she has so many extra medical bills that are just not covered for doggies

For A, because he hasn't been paid in at least two months because his company changed owners, and he just told us. I'm glad his expenses are a bit down than they otherwise would be

I'm practical and a bit frugal sometimes. Steven isn't so much. I tried to keep our personal gift giving down, but he kept going. He lives a grateful life, knowing that his days may just be numbered differently than he thinks. Who knows, when you get to be our age?

Our eating habits are tweaked here and there, but we try to stay with the plan. Mug cakes are a thing for me. I like them and cake, as much as he does. Today, we ate the local carrot cake, craving that great cream cheese frosting. Mmmm, but I could have had a mug cake at home and not blown up the keto thing. Oh well. My feet tingle. 

It's nice to remember mom without any more flack coming my way. It helps to isolate the good memories now. I guess I'll go through any future passings this way. Someone mentioned that at our age:

1) You start losing people. 

2) One day, you may be the last person in your people group to be alive. Mom was.

3) One day, you may be that widow(er) that has to figure out the paperwork.

4) You have to manage your health and see that doctor regularly. Even the gov't provides for that.

5) You will be surprised that you could have retired earlier.

6) You can plan your own funeral or exit.

7) You have more time on your hands, so you have to fill it up.

Later... Football is done and Steven is assembling his new desk. I used my heated gloves tonight. They work :) Gimli got his walk in with us. Nice outside. Tomorrow, I will need to exercise more. Gym time :)

Listened to youtube advice on keeping busy today. I know, I know. It's really easy for me to just sit and write. But I have a trike that I love. Today is an excellent night to ride about.

12/26/23 Slept :)

 I had a good night's sleep last night. Even with all the sugary treats from yesterday's breakfast. I guess it was all the fat added to it; the eggs and cheese I ate with it. It was one of those very helpful youtube videos I found out of so many. Youtube is a puzzle with key pieces for everyone.

Yesterday, it was Joe who talked about his 10 biggest mistake when he retired. We gleaned a bit out of that one. But that fellow recommended a software program that Steven ended up buying. From one engineer to another who thinks like him, it was a good find. Steven has made lesser mistakes, for sure, than this guy. But it was that math geek factor that I picked up on after listening to a few of this guys talks. Will have to write him and thank him.

Lots of presents to be had. I forgot to order one and I hesitated to order another for myself, but the mistake is remedied. Steven hid away one for us that he forgot about, but remembered later, then had to hunt for it :)

The eldest visited mom's place of rest yesterday. She's the only one close enough to access it. Just like her. I wonder if she ate a BR ice cream cake. Long story.

My weight is good now. I'm up a pound from treats with breakfast, with no side effects with the sugar content. Yay. Maybe that's because we also rode trikes for 3 hours later. Golf course open :)

Talked to son on Christmas Eve. He had lots to say, which is always nice. Laura, too. It's tricky to talk to kids about what we have for them later on in life. Daughter knows since she will run the estate. It's not a lot, like the people we live with in our area, but it contains what we brought to our family only and none else. With our son, it's a matter of not working and being settled still in his 40's. While Laura turned 50 this year and has the same challenge. YouTube came in handy for that, too. If they can work, they should. Meanwhile, ours is ours to survive on. Challenges are just that. We had them too. Steven assured them that this wasn't easy in the least. But it will be better with patience and letting things work out. We lost in waiting, but we didn't lose most of it.

Steven is in the shower. His person is experiencing today's miracle of survival and we believe God to keep him healthy for the duration, which is extended now :) Amen.

Later...

Made keto pizza today. Found that 1 pound of frozen cauliflower can make two crusts, and it isn't watery and cooks well :)

Happy birthday, Jesus :)

 Nice Christmas day, met with a trike ride on the golf course with turkeys, squirrels, ducks, geese and the phone going off in texts from various well-wishers of the day. Cookies and eggs for breakfast, bar and coffees in the day, and opening gifts, of which one I forgot to order... Steven lost one present and refound it in time :) That reminds me, I'd better send that and another...

Xmas service 12/24/23

 Such a good time this morning, remembering and celebrating and meditating on God's lovely plan for salvation since the beginning of time.

Thank You, Jesus! Happy Birthday to You!!!

Later:

Talked to Adam and Laura today. Sent Christmas bucks/ack money, since his company's change to the new owner means no pay for a while. Steven suggested we sent more than usual and send daughter less... so I did. Wish he'd acknowledge receipt, but he doesn't these days. Laura is doing better. A bit concerned about their big weight gain this year. It reflects their physical well-being these days. But we were also able to give them counsel on Laura's mom's legal stuff. Laura will execute the estate, but Cali needs paperwork. Get it done now. Updated him on dad and all that. Without telling him what we had, we managed to mention making it legal in Cali for the kids. I think Adam doesn't know for sure about us, but I think that was settled today, in our hints. He asked where we live now. I said near the place where we used to camp. It's cold now. No snow here. Accidentally slipped the name of the town we're in. They might get that mixed up with the other name near here. Who knows. Didn't tell him that his sister will settle the estate, but I'm hoping he understands that she can and can unravel any confusion easily. 

Then Zoomed with the new grand-niece, but my computer failed that. Steven was able to get a pic. Seems like my computers are always on the cheap side. Won't be getting this one to replace it. Probably will stick with my desk top from here on. This is only good for basics and fails at important things like when they do a security upgrade and delete everything. No fun. Didn't see my new grand-niece. Sad. Steven's so out of it that he doesn't seem to care whenever this computer fails. He ignores me. Still is.

Meanwhile, Ola called from the store. Visiting her mom for the holidays and her mom blew a cork because she was annoying her, as the main cook. Ola thinks she shouldn't mind that she's cracking jokes while she's trying to follow a recipe. I told her to stop doing that. It's not actually funny in any way.

Now, we're going to watch Spiderman on Netflix with daughter. 

What else? Leftover turkey from the freezer.

I lost weight again for a new record low, yay. During the holidays.

Steven has his liver ultrasound in a couple of days.

12/23/23

 Andy's birthday. He would have been 64 today. Gone at 28, to Heaven, where he gets to spend time with Jesus. His picture was at the foot of his bed post :)

Made keto waffles and eggs to celebrate him today. Had neighbors' gifts of sweets with breakfast. My mocha is better than La Provence now :)

Read a satiric blurb on little sis' FB. It made fun of Hillsong Australia. Not funny. The French have a word for people who run on and on in cliches about a reality they really have no clue about. I forgot what it is. Glad to have experienced Hillsong for myself. And Joel Olsteen, just on TV, is pretty great. Simple, to the point, how to behave. Christians need social call lessons. Sigh.

Ola's texting from this morning on. Told her about celebrating Andy. She's trying to keep in contact better, after a run of exhausting dysfunctional family gatherings. Also, after telling her a bit of my history, before the victory I had that has lasted so long. Wish my family tried anything that I have done. Their stuff fails every time. They trust the wrong mentors. Sigh.

Right and wrong. If it worked, if you now are changed in a good, staying way, it's right. If it harmed you or depressed you, it was wrong. Not that hard to decipher, people.

Missing my Bethel Church, but they're reaching out to the online community right now. I'm good. Everyone else reaching out for money gifts as well. Tis the season.

Will be relieved when next year begins well and we are all settled, for the most part, in our new adventure.

Later... Daughter booked us at 3pm to Netflix Spiderman, the cartoon, for tomorrow. Tomorrow? Christmas Eve, sounds good.

Watched the Travel Beans on Youtube and even got another link to another travel couple today. 

Also watched finance stuff, just to make sure we're tracking well, and we are. Love facts and results of surveys. So interesting :)

Steven's outside, trimming a bush that's rubbing up against the stucco. Before we moved in, there was damage to the bathroom wall, probably from overgrowth of trees. Something to do before the sun sets :) Also, it isn't raining right now.

Did the open house here on the 21st. Comments? Lots of funny cliques here, but what do you expect from all the social clubs? I love it. One finance guy said no to HOA's. I think because he's private. Our HOA is actually really good. Don't need to hover over the monthly planning. Always pleasantly surprised by upgrades and appreciate the cost of them. He said people want new communities so we'll lose money. Not so. All depends on the city. And the house. We got a little house on purpose and are already trained to not want big things, big projects, so no waste of money.

Noticed that all these financial guys for folks retiring have a 5 year plan. Basically, anyone can retire in five years from whatever age they want, if they are focused on saving for it. I didn't know that. We didn't have money to save until Steven finally got his 5 year late raise from finishing school. He didn't get the bonus he was promised from that finish in 2004. He doesn't want to fight about it, which is why we are always in a predicament. He plans, they don't follow through, we bite it, repeat. Middle child who was take for granted syndrome. Good thing he's married to the same :)

Loving the change of weather. Cold but not snowy. Just a bit icy. Steven is so happy about the weather changes here. We are completely surprised :) Such a great location. 

Looking forward to church tomorrow morning. And waking up for it on time, because I just started setting tomorrow's alarm when I get up. Sigh. Can't remember late at night to do that.

The stuff for Ola's landlord came this afternoon, and is on her porch. She's already at her mom's house, so she's not there to  bring it in. She knew, too. Sigh. One video I saw today was on people not to help out. Ola can fall into that easily. But she's a baby in the family, so this will happen. She's not a drifter, rather just waiting for her stuff to finally be done with in January. Hope she moves forward the way life moves forward, with or without her. She's used to just waiting. 

I'm relieved, in a way, that my brother isn't waiting for his life to finally begin at 56 anymore. He planned and planned, then believed a lie, that his job was to fetch and not invest along with the rest of the partners. Right or wrong, they needed to build trust with him, and asked him to put a bit into the biz, and he protested. He rather went on his own with one partner and it flopped because that partner refused to come up with the extra money that was unexpected, that he should have given him. It was emergency money, but the guy had started drinking heavily again and just didn't. Because of this partner, my brother was still living under his roof, which was dirty, and he died of an infection. Even so, if he had been at work, he wouldn't have stepped on that nail. We really must all work to eat. We just don't have extra time to spend waiting for others to follow through because we protest and say no.

I know his widow is having these thoughts as well. She has her own stuff and is still waiting on it, because a judge decided that the settlement was off. He reset her court hearing, then canceled it, then set it for January. All because a big company broke her shoulder, making her lift more than the doctor note said she could lift and now needs surgery.

There are some weird goings on in this country, but it's still the best one there is. I don't stick my head in the sand and it's hard to see others do that. But that's life. People must touch the wet paint.

12/21/23 Slept :)

 Slept last night, but didn't lose weight after much exercise yesterday. Probably because we had keto blueberry pie at around 7pm. Then no evacuating until today.Getting a hold of this keto thing :)

Helping SIL today. Daughter also calling. She is helping her cousin, an ex soldier and a somewhat distant cousin to us as well as Steven. Probably with ovarian problems like daughter. Like me. We stress way too much and more than we think with all the introversion...

All this is new relationship that is with people we might have known if we were all in proximity. Glad C has daughter. Glad SIL has people, too. Glad daughter has C since she's in her right mind.

Went to our annual open house for  a bit. Ate some kind of okay cookies, kinda keto. Ran into our favorite neighbors there. They were busy strolling. 

Came home and had dinner. Steven wanted to eat out. But we do that too much. As much as he tracks every penny, our food at home isn't cheap and needs to be eaten. Gourmet vs. crap or crap oil.

Glad to be on maintenance keto, but I'd like to lose more. Steven tries to maintain and not lose anymore. He thinks going out a lot does the trick because the offering is too much for anyone. Nope. I hate to cross him, but I have to. This clan doesn't fair not having its way. Yikes. I'm nonconfrontive. 

12/20/23 Slept :)

 Good day today. Got exercise in and even a date. Just got back from the gym :) We pedaled on the heart machine, then danced in the wood floor room. The date was memorable, but the food, well, not so much. Glad we went. It was a Christmas thing to do :)

Made blueberry pie (keto) and we had that before 15 minutes passed after dancing.

Getting used to diabetic activity and food.

Feeling like we are already in a rut. Maybe it will be different once we get to that place next month? Lots of working things out happening.

Rocklin is a rich man's world. I heard talk and attitudes of the rich. The problems of the rich? It sounded familiar. Now I understand the high talk of folks from San Fran and Rocklin, ha. 

12/19/23 Slept :)

 No super vitamins with the wrong stuff means sleep in two nights :) I'm happy.

Don't know what today will bring, but I'm anticipating something. Oh, and daughter's dog is getting better. Instead of putting him down today, he got approved for more chemo. Heal up, in Jesus' name, Amen :)

Always have faith turned on. No matter what comes, surprises us, don't be shocked. Pray. It's what we do :)

12/19/23 Eye opener

 We finally have the gay phenomena answered. Will it take? I hope so.

Extreme stress causes testosterone to rise as cortisol rises.

When testosterone rises in a man, it makes him effeminate. 

When testosterone rises in a woman, it makes her masculine.

What we do have in common when it comes to the genders is that testosterone rises in extreme stress.

But the irony is that females acquire male traits, some growing a beard and having problems with infertility and all those ovarian and breast growths. They get hostile as if a war was being waged and they have to fight. No wonder the meanness. Men grow boobs. They cry and are emotionally completely off their game of evenness in everything.

I know and have known many folks in this predicament. Not one of them are evenly keyed. Not one. Stress is off the charts.

Imagine if we all just calmed down as parents and let God work out our lives instead of hovering over our kids, worried that they won't compete or behave well in front of their peers. Imagine of we just loved our kids and trusted God with them and ourselves.

Imagine... But in Heaven, there is no stress, we all live in glory, we finally get it. Jesus died for us all. 

I'm alerted. Thank You, Papa. This is why we love unconditionally. Eventually, the reasons show up and we can settle back down to trusting You again. I'm sorry that I worry about folks that You know how to save. I repent. Thank You.

12/18/23 Up

 Tried to get to bed earlier tonight. Didn't take :) No problem, I can be up if that's the case.

I have lots of thoughts, I guess. Like being true to my Papa and what that means. I think the way I was as a new believer and so evangelical was because I was in the Word so much. Just the Word. Later, I wanted to go deeper, and now, even deeper, but with mentors who love Papa.

I dream of that campervan that can go up to Bethel with doggy and we switch out classes we want to take so one is always with Gimli. That may actually work...

I miss camper life and local use of it. 

Still up. Looked up an old friend who is now in NM. Looks like she bought a new retiree house :)

Stormy outside now. Thunder claps :)

Later... Officially up, been looking at campervans again. Fun to do it. I think about the environment and what's happening down the road with it and wonder if we should just get the electric hybrid. Plenty of diesel options in Sac, and even a dealership with something we'd like. Yikes. Have to wait. Good time to shop though.

Hovering my weight at the same as before, right at my goal weight. Want to lose more though. I probably need the extra fat to feed me in an emergency. Per my doc in Seattle, once upon a time.

I envision us doing a Bethel conference with Gimli. Yes!

12/17/23 Slept :)

 New alarm clock works well :) Good Sunday :) Love Christmas celebration in church online every week at Bethel :)

Looked at RV's again today. VW vanagan campers are a thing. Fits in hospital parking, too. Keep Gimli there so I don't have to commute a lot. Hmmm... Good engine in front now. Don't flip over. Best bed, at least the '68 van we had was very comfy.

So there it is.

How am I doing? Okay. Tired. Making sure I'm in good shape, though I forget a lot to exercise in the winter. Dancing works. PT would work. Went through a lot of trouble to get a routine exclusive to my needs. Why not? Yoga for keeping flexible. Presents under the tree... and that unknown thing of next year's finances. All will change, we are sure of it, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Nice to put space between the passings of family peoples. For all of us, I think.

12/15/23 up

 After doing Christmas cards until nearly 12am, I'm up now at 1:30am. Just time to start the routine again...

I thought it was Friday night and we missed dance with everything else afoot. Nope. It was Thursday all day, in fact :)

Got stuff done yesterday:

Christmas cards filled out, but not sent with the note on the mailbox that we were all getting a new central mailbox, so pick up our new keys downtown tomorrow. Sorry for the inconvenience NOT. 

Managing our stress. Ourselves. Our sudden surprises. It's a thing. I have CS.

How am I doing? Maybe the new vitamin with 1% COQ10 is too much for me.

Have to text susi tomorrow for her WA address for the card.

Sent cards to folks out of touch with us, just because. When we get old, we have to reach out so we all don't get isolated.

So happy to know we have to build our retirement life from scratch. Some things we have done. Others have to start again from scratch because they are too involved in their jobs and those friends to think about the changes that inevitably come. Lots in common with folks out there. Need to know that some things just are the way they are.

Later... My new alarm woke me up gently, with a slowly louder alarm. I like it.

But I was awake most of the night. New vitamin with just a little COQ10. Maybe a half of one of those? I only took a half dose yesterday. Will try that tonight. I'm determined to see what I can do, since this vitamin is included in every pill except for one that I ran across and used up. Bottle is gone. If I can do the 1/4 dose, then I will also use up the previous unused bottle with a 1/4 dose.

Steven is walking the dog. I just texted Susi for her address. Somehow, we don't have it in the house. Need a new address book to refresh myself.

Will dance tonight anyway. Have to do this routine morningside up.

Later...

After brunch at home, a publisher from Canada (via very broken English), tried to sell me on Expresso publishers. I'm sad about what happened to my book. She accuses all other publishers of stealing proceeds. Disheartening? Yes. But they have some good reviews. I listened to the schpeel and said no anyway. First, if I want to go that route, I'll call the numbers posted on their website. After a long interview, I asked what her publisher's name was and then she told me. Hard to get on your feet in Canada or anywhere else these days without schooling. Glad she's learning English. I'm a bit ruffled, but I'm okay. If the book is so valuable, why must I put $1700 out to start it? Bad business.

Finally done with Thanksgiving keto carrot cake. Bleah. Just got worse with age, without all those preservatives :) Used up some keto ice cream topped with caramel syrup. Still...

Back to my goal weight today. Better tomorrow. Diverticulitis attack after that phone call. 

New mailbox key fetched, cards mailed, new ones for the wall :), it's fun to send and receive cards.

New laptop fan came. Doesn't fit. A new one ordered. It's better having been cleaned of hairballs, but it still groans now and then.

Steven's napping before the great dance of tonight. He'll nosh through most of it because the waiter get offended. All about the tips. But we get to support local musicians.

Have not exercised this week. Cement floors to tread instead and sore feet.

12/14/23 slept :)

 Steven called his uncle for his 98th this morning. He'll be busy partying tomorrow for the big wallapalooza. Surprising how sane one can still be at that age :) Ah, hope! On the phone with daughter, who struggles, but has not called me about this particular hard stuff at all. Oh well.

How am I doing? Zapped physically from yesterday's 3 hour barfarama with SIL yesterday. Yuck. They barf on her, then she barfs it all out on me. 

But I pray for the people who stress them. Stressful people are in fact those we are called to pray for.

So to her family, I bless each of you with Jesus, purity in life and divine solutions to your very own impossible issues :)

Today, I buy myself an alarm clock. It's official; Steven is incapable of just waking me up in the morning. He desires to, but as each day passes where he doesn't wake me up, though he's awake 90 minutes before me every day, he finds a cheap reason as to why his neglect:

Well, I heard you rolling around in there earlier (i.e, I used the bathroom at 7am)

Well, I figured you needed the extra sleep (not knowing that at all)

My fixes for these neglects:

Wake me up no matter what at 9am. It's my sleep schedule. If you don't, I won't sleep. 

Thus, I sleep maybe 2 nights a week.

Does this concern him? No. He smiles and says he'll wake me up at 9am tomorrow morning. Does it happen? Maybe the first time. After that, no.

My sleep is fixed at 12 - 12:30am to 9am. The circadian clock lets you sleep at intervals. Must get to bed by 12:30am in order to sleep the 7 1/2 to 8 hours. Does he know this? No. But I explain it to him constantly. He forgets.

Thus, after more than a year with a sleep doctor's plan, if God wakes me up, it's at 9am. I do the sleep routine very regularly. It is nothing for him to wake me up. He just decides what is good for me. Madness.

Need to pick up a prescription and grab an alarm clock from Walmart now.

I see patience is needed again. At least he's doing the daughter communication thing. I know that is afoot with barbs and innuendos about how I'm doing. Otherwise, she'd be calling me. I will have to fix that again.

Later... Fetched prescriptions, found an alarm clock, set it, and am sorting out why this place doesn't cooperate with my info paperwork in favor of Steven's. I feel better.

Later... took a few pics of Gimli and I in our face plant time :)

Leftovers from restos locales for dinner. Steven down for a nap. He's had a rough day, with my making him find out why Walgreens is kicking my butt. Turns out that they have one discount ca rd per family, use only one user for the whole family, but now, I'm a secondary user, just in case. Need that. My heart meds can't lapse. 

Funny to go to Walgreens and discuss with the staff about our problem, which the staff has also had a problem with, which can only be solved on the phone with a rep, while in the app. See, Steven? It's not me.

Dance night. Will we go? Don't know. I don't want to get a very heavy waiter with no hearing capacity to coax Steven to get food he doesn't need. Coffee, please. Keep the water coming. We'll tip you anyway. 

Have stuff coming in the mail, still. Not here. Have to also send stuff, like Christmas cards.

12/13/23 Up

 Because I forgot to take my night pills until now, I'm up. Sheesh.

We decided to make plans for tomorrow. It's nice to have something to look forward to. Tomorrow:

Hallmark store after breakfast at La Bou. Pick up Christmas cards to send. Some Christmas shopping, like picking up a Christmas rug.

Yesterday was fun. Watched a Minions movie making fun of England and the royal family. Glad they are such good sports about it. Dinner at a new Greek place near us. Yum.

The project is going well. My laptop fan is breaking and a new one is on the way. Steven didn't want to put it in. He'd rather I had another new computer. But fans are what they are. Last time he bought a fan, it was $80. Now, he got one for $20. Three screws off. He's forgetting how to do things. YouTube is our friend :)

Grateful for my wall of pics. 

Susi sent me beautiful necklaces for Christmas. I love them. They are of glass and some metal. 

Loving my French lessons. 

Why am I up? Oh well.

Glad the sisters can resume contact, a bit away from Mom's celebration day with Marty in Heaven. Greta's tree house went down and she filmed it. John, too. Sigh.

Weird to enter this phase of life now. Good to have advisors on YouTube to help us through. To tell us to relax :)

12/12/23 slept :)

 I slept last night. Steven put insulation in the in-wall dog door yesterday. Coincidence? I know I was waking up cold. He noticed the floor being warmer now. Only took us two years to realize that the old dog door that Gimli wouldn't use anyway was a culprit to my sleeping comfort.

Today, my sister's tree house was brought down, eaten up by termites. Sigh. She took movies. Big thing! Hope they didn't get to the house... The problem with buying an old house. Theirs is about 75 years old now. Sheesh. 

Day to rest for Steven, but he's already antsy. Time to hit Costco, I think.

Later... Antsy, indeed. He did laundry and a couple of other things before saying, "Hey, let's go out for dinner." Greek food, the best ever, is around the corner from us. His plate was a buck more than mine with twice the yummy steak. I'll get that next time :)

How am I doing today? Good. Listened to retired people give advice on things to avoid after 60. Really good. Steven loved it, too.

12/11/23 early up

 Up at 6:30am again. 

Glad to be journaling again. One of those things that a Bethel pastor said that God wanted him to pick up doing again this last Sunday morning. Okay, I'll take that as a good thing. I started doing this last November when I had to turn the screens off at 9pm. It was a good thing for me, too. Most of the time, Steven is preoccupied with something and he tunes out. My many thoughts needs an outlet and I also hear from God as my brain focuses on just this one thing :)

One thing I do is ask Steven what he'd like to do this week. For him, well, he's going to call on his contacts about the project. Okay, then what? What do you want for Christmas?

That's a checklist to go through for me:

For Steven:

A TLV translation 

A small vacuum for little stuff

A blue ray of Arachnophobia

Hoodie from Bethel

2 small massagers to share

Nativity mug from Bethel

Ideas?

clothing from The Chosen or another Christian store

I looked into Messianic Jewish churches. There's one in Sac that needs an interview from us, from me. They want to make sure that they are dealing with people who grew up Jewish and got saved. They don't want their church flooded with Christians who grew up Christians. Not much room for that. Bethel has that the rest of us :) Well, not just Bethel :)

Steven didn't seem much interested in the new Bible because he likes to just stick to his incomplete copy of our Simmons bibles. Fair enough. But why not immerse in Israel this way? We'll all end up there one day. May as well understand and fill in the gaps of ignorance we carry as having grown up with folks who are from everywhere else? For me, it's just 3 generations ago. For Steven? Can't say. He has doctors in his family from way way back. Could be :)

Time to take my morning pills and be ready to eat when I'm up again.

I'm trying to adjust my perspective on the friends we find here. Sometimes you just rub people wrong. What if they didn't totally despise me and were just very short or very honest. I guess with Pam, she reminds me of Steven's mom, who barely looked at me, until it was time to say goodbye. This gal is like this with me, but not with Steven or anyone else. She looked at the camera because Bill told her to, so I got a pic. So I'll rather see the time we spent last Saturday as they rather look up to me, instead. Because when I was younger and then ran into folks who ignored me, they said they were intimidated by me. They thought I was above them, which was shocking to me. Either they like me right away, probably because we grouped together in some club, or else we were just classmates. Some said I seemed very involved with people I had befriended and didn't have room. Hmmm... That's kind of the way I see folks sometimes, too. 

Well, it's time to end this. Steven will be up to walk the doggy soon. Wish I could do that. He makes friends early in the morning when a lot of people naturally awaken. 

I am grateful for this place. People are just so friendly in Cali. Sunshine makes a difference. It's worth it.

Have to watch the finances until the next thing comes in. Will be glad when all is settled.

Have learned a lot in this process. Neighbors helped with their great suggestions. Old enough to not forget the process :)

Thinking about mom. Dumped regrets. It's time to move forward. Said Bill last Sunday.

Praying for everything I can think of. My parents did that in their old age. Ah, another blog to begin and continue?

12/10/23 Sunday

 Up early this morning, around 6:30am :) Good enough... I was awake for an hour before rising. I think it was the sun creeping through the top of the ill-fitting saggy cover on the door that shone in my eyes.

Or, it was yesterday's binge day. We had macaroons with decaf in the afternoon. Those were too sweet. I go by SugarMD who says eat a little sugar, but I had plenty at brunch yesterday, eating my chocolate croissant with a waffle, fruit, a quiche with a thick breaded liner, a cup of apple non alcoholic wine, etc. Yeah, not diabetic in a non-diabetic, yet nurse's home.

No respect is all I can say.

There are certain ways we must behave as believers, which was also true for the Hebrews. The Jewish folks:

Love everyone, no matter what and seek to bring them into the Kingdom.

Don't shun believers because their children struggle.

Don't judge. You don't know where they are in their journey with God.

I've heard pastors say that of late. Because I'm on the dense side of comprehending stuff these days, it finally occurred to me that they are defending folks like myself. Even my sisters condemn me. I try to hang onto them, but they see it as charity to me.

This won't happen ever again in Heaven. I can understand why Marty just decided to give up on this family, this world.

But the reason God told us not to give up on each other was because it's an easy and evil thing to do. That's why I didn't give up on my brother, ever. We just can't. We were made to be a family that grows and grows. Mothers and fathers everywhere, treating people like their own newborn infants. Love inconceivable. I appreciate the church, the variety of people that naturally point out the strengths and weaknesses in us all. When I find a weakness in myself, it's because of others being around me. Not because they make some religious point by shunning me. 

I hear this happening to Brian Simmons as he gets the Word translated as it should be, from the Hebrew cultural point of view. 

I went around a bend this week, higher up in that sheep path as described in Israel, toward the Kingdom, realizing where I share that path with others.

Yesterday, I realized that because of where I spend the larger part of my day and evening, makes a difference. I want to run forward, past my husband, and I guess I did that inadvertently. I'm actually looking back on him, not wanting to wait for him to catch up anymore. His head is where it is, within this world's trappings: airplanes, money, worry about money, football, then he spends some time with Jesus in the morning, in his 5 minute daily word routine. He fits in well with our BS folks, but I don't. He's as critical with me as they are. What's up with that? The worry, the skepticism of this world, the lack of faith, hope and love, in general. I feel like maybe I'm in this group to remind them to speak blessings on those they worry negatively, hopelessly about. 

I guess the other thing is that when it's our turn to host, I generally think that should be me teaching and not the one spending his time in the flesh. But he fights to lead, to do it from a place of insecurity and struggling to communicate, suddenly toward a place of teaching believers something new and not having anything to new to say, and when he does, he's really upset. Because he has no clue in his place of willful ignorance.

Sigh. This is my area of strength, but he fights me for it. Is it the degree'd thing? Like daughter says, that the formally educated don't see your value unless you're degree'd?

Degree'd folks do secular school for 4 years or maybe six or eight after high school. I've done the hard work since I was in high school. Since salvation. I love the Word. I can't get enough of it. I can only learn so much in a day. I get it. It's my passion. But first, the flesh degree? How about 49 years of studying the Word. Why doesn't that count?

Ridiculous judgments abound in this world among believers.

I know that whatever I'm learning daily will be with total recall in Heaven. I think it makes a huge difference in life, how we see things, how we listen to God's voice here and forever.

I guess it's like rearing your children. Steven wasn't there for them and is rarely there for them now. But I was there for them. I still am. I check in on them. Steven thinks that leaving them blood money makes up for still not having a relationship with them. What we invest of ourselves matters. He doesn't believe that. Yet God and people are the two commandments Jesus points out. We must love God and people.

How do we choose things over people?

Later...

Worship, teaching, super :) TLV is in my life. I ordered two family bibles, written by Jewish Believers for Messianic Jewish folks, from Genesis to Revelation. My Christmas gift to us. It's bigger and hard bound, and I'm hoping will be easier to read. The soft leatherette cover looks smaller, but I like the tabs inset. Maybe next time I will get us a set of other bibles offered with that 14p and 13p font. I just want to have whatever copies in the house. Another way to go to Israel without going :) Jack Hayford recommended.

Even the gal promoting it is like me in personality. Strong and firm in her beliefs and exasperation with having been misunderstood or untaught about things like the dradle. Yep. Time to correct this stuff. That's for 2024, too, to my pleasant surprise :)

I asked for more and this is what I got. Thanks, Papa :)

Today, I reached my original goal date for weightloss. This, after a day of brunching (yesterday), which followed a day of switching breakfast and dinner, but skipping one meal.

This diet?

1 meal, whenever it is.

1 protein drink.

1 protein bar. 

Moderate carb intake.

Fasting is almost daily because of the break being so long between an early dinner (3:30pm) to next day's morning drink (around 11am). That's 37 1/2 hours fasting. A natural for us. As my old friend's grown up daughter says, it's the fasting. I love having this in common with her, since her mom died at 55 years of age due to being out of control in her croissants eating and she, being heavy, too, fights it. We have Metabolic diet and exercise in common from before my pelvic rebuild, so I don't do that anymore, to our eating like this in common. She's carnavoire and I'm keto. Success for her now 5 years. We don't talk about it. She's very narrow in mindset, but a believer. We married in the church she grew up kind of in, but her parents were YWAMer fans that they retired and joined after he retired. The daughter married a pastor from Indiana and he's retired. Their kids are kind of outside of the path, but fully grown. One married in his 30's. Anyway, she manages to concentrate fully on her weightloss journey and maintenance thereof. It's just another of those God meetings I understand.

So yay, me, for the weightloss. May I continue on down to a less pudgy middle, but not too low.

Brunch day :) 12/9/23

 Had our BS lunch this morning, 10am, sharp. A success for me to be awake so early, maybe not awake enough to share. I asked that we do this in the afternoon, but that was overlooked.

I have my feelings about our group. They'll do, for sure, though we are of differing backgrounds and, well, churches. Though 4 of us came from catholic childhoods, 4 ended up rich. That makes life awkward, as we are still way below their status:

They were from the 1970's starting out as adults:

cheap college education

cheap homes to get equity out of by 1976

early belief systems with half of us who didn't experience poverty and don't understand people on corners begging; no interest in a commentary on what's up with that from moi, they've already decided it's a mystery. Grrrr...

They are all getting deafer without hearing aids. Just let'em ramble on.

Their homes costed $300k in 2012, with their SF equity giving them a zero mortgage.

Our house costed $540k with our equity from one house. The other equities were stolen by the giant religious organization that surprised us several times by being our mortgage company at the last minute. Not a surprise, just cleverly disguised because of their low world rating as the #1 worst bank.

The others came here rich (most of their lives) and also paid off their $750k house a year ago. Remodel was $175k.

Can't help noticing mind-boggling differences between our 8-10 year age gap.

Couldn't recall a good Christmas memory for a long time. Of course, later on, I did. It's a good thing to share. Others' triggered mine :)

I'm awkward and glad that it's over. Now to prep for January 4's meetin...

Steven can be awkward, too. He shared being Santa wrapping presents for 4 years for his childhood family. I didn't know that until today. We need friends so they can remember.

I shared going Christmas caroling with friends from the apartment, Mom putting us all together, going down the streets and to nursing homes. Pam said her mom loved that.

I wonder if mom's final home did that? It was decorated for all the holidays.

Thinking about mom and Marty during the holidays. What a blast to celebrate with Jesus!

They talked about the Jews and what's happening to them in the US. They already know those are my people, but have already forgotten.

Growing old together, we have mercy on the forgetting. But it makes me want to move to more similar aged neighborhoods. Or maybe where people wear hearing aids.

I'm thankful for Pam, sharing her fancy house and miserly spending history this year. Her talents in music and art. A room just for her stuff. Haven't seen the whole house, just what's there by the entry.

I'm grateful for Jason's upbringing with good folks so he's pretty stable and kind.

I'm grateful for Bill, who plays golf, pay as you go, and is learning it in his old age.

I'm grateful that Steven is so social, because of work. Marianne was a homebody so unexposed to a lot, except that they have bible study folks at their house, too. Eight guests to do another holiday brunch with. She was in MOPS.

One memory triggered another one for someone else. We could have been there all day :) It ended at 12pm, so Bill could get in his golf game. Love their girl angel that sees them from the back yard glassed windows.

Pam, the nurse, could be a professional painter any time she wants to do a show. Wow.

I feel ignored, but that's me. I was shy today, not quite awake anyway. I managed to not say anything just randomly that could have been mean. I saw myself as being like Susi. Ah, the Staley's awkward and untimely humor. Pam is Swedish like me. Somehow she proved it, like me.

Bill was a soldier, then worked for but one company that promoted him a lot. Jason is just, well, rich. We all love to serve others and shared some God meets we've all had. 

Now we sit and talk little. Did more Christmas wish stuff. I'm pooped. Drained?

Amber is texting her day with Susan in VA. Sharing the Barbie movie. They are loving it while she's texting me.

I'm a little sad, but it's Christmas and it's time NOT to compare how we're holding up the family, alone and across the USA. Because Steven blew up our family, then came home when his children were awkwardly raised. It's an awkward family after all...

Later...

Daughter sent pics of their trip to VA to see cousin SusanB and Frank. They've spent more time with them than... well, that was during the Covid thing here. 

In Heaven, our family is eternal and together, at last :)))

Later...

Almost time to log off for the night.

Need to mention that Steven barked at me yesterday. I always wonder if it's just getting old and not being able to hold it in (not that he should) or he's just very sensitive to his cuisine critique. He's fine about critiquing his food, but when I did it, he said, "Tell you what. Tomorrow, you make this recipe and do with it what you may."

First time since high school (10th grade) that he's barked at me like that. Yikes. As I cited before, he's fine when he's being praised, but mean when he's not. Makes my mind wander to other things I could be doing besides babysitting my husband, the heart patient. Never a break, really.

Then I see myself getting more sensitive with time, like my mom, and having to stop myself from saying things that don't need to be in the ether. 

Speak in tongues. There you go. 

I know that triggers happen around unexpected blurts. 

Meanwhile, we managed to do more Christmas shopping. Getting low on funds. Tomorrow is a big expense day. Have to cool it down.

Looking forward to retirement. Make it a long one, Papa, Jesus, Holy Spirit, in Jesus' name, Amen.

12/8/23 not UP

 Went to bed at about 12:40am and was up at about 8:40am. Good for me :) My sleep was interrupted when I started retiring to bed with Steven, who decided to get to bed earlier and I thought I could do that too. Ha. So he went to bed with our usual Gimli routine, and I stayed up later, after having taken all my evening pills. I didn't retire until I was nodding off. That's always a good time to go to bed. Even having an afternoon nap of 20 minutes naturally, nodding off is a good time to nap. I heard but one sleep expert on youtube say that. So I wrap what I have to do around that important nodding off moment and just plan on getting to bed when it happens.

Tomorrow is brunch with the bible study friends. I will be up getting the croissants out of the freezer and onto a tray for tomorrow morning's adventure. I call it an adventure because it's the first time we've done this in daylight :) It'll be good to see how I do at that time, with taking meds earlier and getting up earlier.

Forgot to take Eyebright last night. Sticky eyes since.

Chiropractor today, yay. 

Watched "Reds" last night. Kinda wintery movie. Not Christmas stuff. Have to see what else we can do with traditions. Neighborhood lights? We walk ours in the evening. 

Later... Helped Ola write an email to Greta to tell her that she'd have to take care of mom's bonds to her hubby. But Ola, whose days and nights are inversed, doesn't think right. Mom's estate will go into probate to release that money. She will need to be patient.

Meanwhile, Steven made keto carrot cake. It came out meh. I would have done it differently, but there's no us working together on it because he doesn't hear me. C'est la vie.

Read a bio on poor old Rosemary C. 

12/7/23

 Good morning, Papa. Today will be a day of rest with little to do. Ola needs to do her medical paperwork and canceled on working on her other stuff with me. We are planning on rising quite early on Saturday to partake in a brunch with our Christian group peoples.

On my mind is a lot of unfinished business, like finding a church with like-minded people. We have enough of the others around us. Would be nice to locate Bethel folks in this area.

Our jackets order was canceled due to stock issues. Rats. We need Jesus clothes to find folks.

Another issue that is coming up frequently is getting these texts from websites that only contact by text. Don't do that.

I miss my family, but I appreciate peace as well. They aren't ones to come visit and leave. They'd rather have a piece of this, and they don't know the half of it. Surprises are nice.

One sister is estranged now, by her choice. She's been in the process for years, apparently, and when she hit the eject button, that was it. Spiritual problems. Choice problems. Faith problem.

The other is across the country from me. Should be totally on the same page, but her hubby left that part before he died, and she's a hover parent that I am not. Faith, baby. Just faith. God's got this. Someone reminded me of this truth this week.

Steven's puttering in the garage, loading my old fat clothes into the car. I had no idea how many clothes I've accumulated over the years since moving back to the mainland. Sheesh. Some are just worn out. Nice to make room in the house.

things to do in 2024:

Organize, weed through, have company be comfortable, be thankful, be balanced, exercise more, have all of our paperwork done for the last time. Imagine that :) Nine years in the renewing of paperwork annually with months of paperwork preceding. 

Be more involved in Bethel, if that is our only option locally. I'm grateful to be within 3 hours of my favorite place.

12/6/23 Up

 Lotta communication with family today. Lisa had a block of free time to talk. A lot of it when the car was turned off, waiting for a grandson's school bus. I shared French with her. Our quiet Christmas plans. She shared her stuff again. I just wanna be a sister to her. She's so far away.

Ola with her paperwork, printing stuff that is readable to deal with stuff. Not functioning with her days and nights upside down. She doesn't think so. Yeah? Well, I know so. She is me when I was that old.

Steven had a day to breathe :)

Later today are our dental appts. 

Sam's Club tonight. My feet were not cooperating. right heel spur acting up. 

Found coconut keto chocolate stuff. so good, and so waking me up :_ It was worth it. Love walking down the Christmas aisles.

French was good. Hebrew words are a daily discovery. Appreciate how God has gifted us Himself. We just need to look :)

Later...Steven at his dental appt now. Quiet house :) Drinking coffee, no sugar today, since I wanted a change. Gimli sits on Steven's chair, waiting for him to appear. A dog's life. I remembered to pet him a few minutes ago. He loves cheek kisses.

Managed finally to fall asleep. No chocolate at night, period. But it may also be these new vitamins he brought home. Choline is not my friend. 200% GDR. Nope. Will take a nap.

Lunch is had, a protein bar with a late breakfast. Waiting for the rest of the wafer in the bar to melt off my teeth before brushing. So sticky and good.

Have a box of Christmas stuff coming. The convenience of ordering online, but also knowing that we can get what we want.

I found tops online, all cotton. Haven't ordered them yet. I'm excited to find out what I will fit in now. In spite of all the chocolate goodies we ate yesterday, I lost weight because it was keto. The new bag of chocolate fun I found at Sam's seems to be a great winner. Fiber is good and the coconut isn't bothering me too much. I look forward to dropping a little lower in weight and then having a great menu that I can stick to. Seems like maintenance will be adding dessert.

Brunch set for Saturday at 10am. Way too early for us, but we'll get up and go because the hosts get to do as they like. Will bring croissants, fresh from TJ to my oven :) Ca va bien.

Dentist went as expected. Maybe or maybe not in 6 weeks, I will be done with this phase. We'll see at that time. I know there is more work, after that last tooth is in the right position. A dentist mistake that is being rectified. Sigh. I will be glad to be able to munch happily on my food again.

Tonight's Christmas month movie is 1941. 

Christmas blogging 2023

 Hard not to compare one's family with a better situationed family. Typed out this way, it looks even more ridiculous than the real thing. 

The fact is that all families have their stuff. I really don't comprehend most other family's tolerances:

Male bossiness

Women fake submission

Games people play - If I hadn't read that book from 1969, I wouldn't notice :)

Kids begging for attention that parents are clueless to.

Parents assuming what's happening between siblings. They are so wrong :)

We families need one another because we can bring insight into one another's families. But we are excluded from all generation families in this culture that is not Bethel at all. Bethel created a godly culture to correct this confusion. Dysfunction. Too bad we are just out of reach of such a thing.

It's good to have Christmas by ourselves. I'm looking at family pj's for us and Gimli. Really. Why not? My kids are doing exactly what they want as far away as possible from us.

My husband's widowed SIL declared that she can only trust herself on FB today. Sigh.

NO. We can only trust Jesus. It's in the Book. We are just sheep, clueless to what we need, reliant on Jesus, who knows us completely.

Later... bored today. Raining outside. Laundry is being washed. Would like to do something, but what? Antsy.

12/2/23 Up

 After an uncomfortable confrontation tonight, I'm up. Tried sleeping earlier, but that messes with my sleep routine of retiring at 12am, so I lay there for an hour. Oops. Time to be up and go back down. That's the way it works.

Being grateful is the only way out of this awakening. Looking around at my Christmas decor on display and knowing that I really got a great present for Christmas: A great outcome for the project we've been working on for quite a while. A good result from lots of research.

Going through the ornaments, I picked some and Steven picked his favorites for this year. We have so many that we can just go through them instead of shopping for new ones, and find things that remind us of this year. Steven thought of that this year.

For me, it was Vineyard Santa Maria church

Marching band guy

Lizzie

The animals, dad's tin soldier, Adam's stocking, Myrtle's stocking. I forgot what the extra stockings were for and I guess we got extras for when Adam, Laura and Kailey were with us back when. Adam on the scooter, Charlie Brown band, the ginger bread house, a disney music box, the Everett fireplace, the santa hats and sweaters, the candy cane lane sign and a couple on the lighted artificial tree we replaced last year. Bath hand towels. Yeah, the rest of the tin soldiers: Elvis, the miner, the sax player stuffed animal. I think that's enough.

I managed to not flip the Blaze calendar from October until the last day of November :) Current now in December :)

What can we get next year?

Gift people

a motorhome, if cheap enough

with the motorhome, we can see Napa Valley

give more to Bethel

help our kids better

fix up the patio

get a housekeeper

send school money to Blaze. help with his airfare here.

take short land trips

not have to take out loans to catch up.

see what it really takes to be retired by the month

do some conferences. a neighbor has a good pet sitter.

I am grateful that it wasn't like Susan said for us. Her disability was better than her retirement, but I forgot that her disability was from SS and that is slightly higher than her retirement. Ahhh...

Im grateful that the way some big companies work, they actually set you up to retire by making you put your raises into savings that they invest with. 

Im grateful that Steven got a degree in business, though it was long coming, and he had few options, but business was one of them. Since he pretty much decided his life without my input, I've just now figured out that he did it all for the purpose of getting to this point. It's hard to be left in the dark all the time.

But other things come with single income families, like leaving the band a tip. He likes to do that alone. It's his money.

We have working moms because some men don't really believe the money isn't all theirs. Like my dad. Well, he thinks all money is his anyway, under his roof.

Even so, I haven't put myself out there in this house. I've let Steven just stomp around and enjoy his last days. But these are also my last days. Maybe I'm tired and just don't want the disruption.

It's 1:37am now. The nights can be a quiet time. What is up tomorrow? 

What would I like for Christmas? I like colorful blouses that are long. They cover my (still there) love handles. I look forward to losing more weight. It's a lifestyle for me, this keto thing. Steven can't lose more, but I'm set on doing more pound loss. 

Thankful for my wall of people, that only two are missing and no one is suffering.

I pray Adam miracles in the wild and with work. May he find the wisdom to solve his housing stuff. There's a great place waiting for him :)

Later... Managed to sleep again, yay. Up at exactly 9am. Thanks, Papa.

Looking for Xmas presents today. Ugh. I'd rather go to a store, but it's the weekend. 

Extra long leg stuff means men's more comfy pants. Steven's researching leg warmers. He found stuff in Scotland but he's also doing laundry, so...

Don't like this autocorrect that begins all my sentences. Christmas lights are on, background lights on dim. Dark days now. Need sunlight.

Up a pound from last night's clam chowder which is basically anethema for diabetics: i.e., potato soup with clams. In Heaven, no bad foods sneaking into any menu every again.

RV shopping 2024

 Time to get going on the RV thing. Did this before; they deleted my last new RV blog.

Ridiculous prices out there because of the growing mobile community.

I even found a tiny house with $950 per month lease near the sea. Hmmm...

There are tiny houses on owned land, skoolies, right sized class A's, and extra wide class b's to consider. My HOA may accept a small class B. I've seen them on driveways here. But we'd have to do the build. Steven says that's too much a project for him.

I'm watching youtube and travelers in vans in Europe and across the US. Free land camping everywhere. But those folks are still quite young. Could be my kids, who are getting too old for nonsense and just want their own houses :)

What about getting some land for  son in Maui?

12/1/23

 Time to blog...

I slept through the night :) My routine is good, so long as I do it right. TV was off at 10pm, but I took all the right meds last night:

1/2 Kirkland sleep aid

1 Dr. Berg sleep aid

Heart meds

1 Tudca

1 aspirin

If there is any deviation from this list of meds, I don't sleep.

Mistakes in my history of this routine?

Elderberry at any time either knocks me out when it kicks in the next morning (!) then I'm drowsy all day. Recommended to me by Jana as a sleep aid. Not for me.

If I run out of Dr. Berg sleep aid, I'll be awake in 3 days. So keep it in stock.

The tudca keeps my liver and body in good regulation. I also take one in the morning.

What about the project at hand?

Latest paperwork filled in and mailed off. Another request to go back to work happened yesterday. Ignore if already handled. Official numbers came a couple of days ago. I wonder if there will be a gap between now and when everything is adjusted.

Still in wonder that things actually work out when you do the paperwork right and when actually working the job so very long in your life. Still wondering what the eldest gets, but not enough to ask because everything turns into a mad contest with her. I wonder how long she will retain her marbles... 

That reminds me: Must pray for these folks, especially because they are so good at hiding their madness.

My mind presses on how next year will bring us such extra blessings to share and to help us to not need anything more.

Daughter needs training bucks. Massage school.

And son? How to help is still a mystery. The gypsy life that he loves, and is just in need of a permanent solution. Pray he doesn't get a lay off notice from the new owners.

I didn't have the means to help him 20 years ago when he asked for a bundle to start his own mechanic shop. It would have been a way to do his skills without so many licenses in specific skills. Fear of tests is a pain. Because inflation was so ridiculous where we all lived, I look back and can only sigh.

The rest, well, they have to run their journeys with Papa.

I read about a gal whose daughter strayed for a while. So heartbroken was she. Me too. There are no words.