Steven's napping. Did the gym today. Haven't remembered to do that. Had to tell Gimli to "leave it" so Steven can nap in peace. He's up once a night for him as it is. A nap isn't too much to ask.
How am I doing today? Listened to a talk about dementia from Dr Berg. Symptoms. Yikes. I get those when I don't get enough sleep. That doesn't count. Steven's slowness and having trouble finding words is something. I have to hit the brakes when he talks. Just wait.
Forgetting to remind baby sis to eat lately. Oops. Doing French here and there. Trying to stay present is a thing. Easy for me to fade.
Started doing the taxes today. Lost track of time, but feel like I got something done. This year required an all new spreadsheet because of the restart.
As I ponder our new location and status quo (whatever that means), I think about our dotage being the first time we are comfortably cared for, amidst relatives who have always been in this position. It's new for us. We've been like Lawnmower Man, clueless to this lifestyle and suddenly surrounded by it and those who were here long before us as we clunked down awkwardly in their midst.
Suddenly, we can help our desperate kids, while their cousins flourished these last 20 years of their adulthood. Weird to think that we were thrown to the wolves and survived so sparsely, until now. With our son, well, he suffered brain damage that affects his life. He doesn't want that disability status and the pills that comes with it. Good for him. He lives in a rental truck and has had that status for many years now. His job now has come after so many years of bad jobs, but he didn't seek retraining. His brain won't go there, nor did he believe he could pass any classes. Sigh.
Our daughter is high strung and would love to do massage school that costs serious money nowadays. It was once $800, but Obama laws made it so it was $23k. Many people hide in their livelihoods. Daughter won't hide. She's just frustrated by his naive laws. Son was affected by them as well. A crack mechanic with beyond normal skills, only college for him can fix it. Both can't do that. No brains for it. Therefore, the rich get richer, like the cousins; like Steven's siblings. White privilege life. When your white father decides to disown you in order to become rich, well, even a white guy can't get ahead. Look what it took for this white guy to not make it and to catch up. His health is affected. But the girls are happy and chatty having always been given everything on a silver platter.
Hard not to remember how we got here. You really have to push forward and not be afraid of the man who is your boss. Unless you have that paid for degree, of course. Paper talks.
Anyway, we enter this realm of living, our fault for moving to where people like his siblings would live. The difference is there is no dream place to go because we must stick close to the hospital who is trained painstakingly in his case.
I guess I don't mind. I'm tired. It's been really hard. Have the grandkids and enjoy yourselves, folks. I wonder how you did it while you saw what was happening to your bro? They're just glad he made it in middle age. Finally.
We didn't waste it. We learned lots of lessons, like this life is fragile. You are at the mercy of your parents. Then your parents are at your mercy. May we do them well anyway.
My kids are at our mercy. It would be fun to see them comfortable. That's what Nancy did for her kids. She saw to their comfort and they were so much happier in their own place. Nancy faded to the background, and maybe it didn't turn out as she wished, but she lived a very long life and got to see them succeed. That was nice.
So daughter needs to be certified.
So will need to prove he won't quit life again. It's easy to live in a van, but the outlaws there make it stressful. Would love to see him get his own place in the country. Maybe that will be next.
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