It's 6am and I've been up for a while now. Maybe because I didn't journal yesterday before retiring. It was late. The movie ended late. But I did that before.
Ah, I dreamed last night and it wasn't so nice. So I pray for that scenario's possible reality in my life. There is unfinished business but Jesus covers us and knows what to do. Amen, thank You, Jesus :)
Meanwhile, it's Wednesday and a rest day, as Steven has called it. I'll do the gym and he will rest.
A good reason to have Gimli with him at nightj is that Gimli is like an alarm clock for most things. Steven needs that.
Plans? Yeah. The rest of the week is rest time for Saturday's event.
Jana had a vitamin suggestion for me yesterday. She's full of helpful info on the fly. I mentioned the mosquito thing. B Complex. Got it. I had just replenished my vitamin supply. That one isn't in it.
How am I doing? On this discovery day, I don't know yet the answer to a question. I hear my hubby coughing from his space in the house. I'd like to do something fun, but he's tired today. Have to pay attention to that. If he says he needs to rest, then he will need to rest.
I'm looking at our various memories lining the top of the kitchen cupboards. This house reminds me that I can see into all but one room from my recliner. Ha. It's not smaller than our first house, for sure. It's actually just right for us, plus probably one more. I can't imagine our old friends stuffed into this square foot type house with their four kids, too, for years :) The only thing that ended that house was their split. They all survived it well, and it happened after nearly 40 years. That's a weird thing to think about, now that we are quickly on the way to 50 years. They were older than us, by far.
But back to this house. There are neighbors that have much bigger places. I wonder if we had gotten something the next size up. We tried that, but at the time, it was a buyer's market. Being in a hotel for 2 months was a lot of expense. But we got in with the interest rate low and as we get older, we won't be having to size down again. I think it was the sizing down from 2400 sq ft that makes it a bit of a push. But sitting in that previous space, where we lived nearly always on the first floor, we knew we could do this for sure. It was just hard to say goodbye to all that new stuff we stuffed into it :)
Then there's the reality check that happened this year. Still no regrets. Most of the time. We actually have more wall space here with tall walls. It's not a little thing to be tall and have tall walls. That's why we'll probably go with a tall wall van :)
Here's a thought to write down...
I collect neat travel pics of France and put them on my own group website. For me, I don't need to go to France. Steven can't go anyway. We both get terribly travel sick. And we had done so much traveling over many years when we were younger that we can actually imagine that a pic is a place we've experienced. Fantastic images minus the travel sickness that lingers. Even when we reached camp 14 hours later, travel sickness didn't stabilize for me for 2 whole weeks. That's about 2 to 4 thousand feet up in altitude and feeling exhausted. In my 20's. We had a good run, until he did the military 5 year thing, at which point, we stopped traveling. So these 30 some years later, we are content to look at other people's pics. They are mostly from young travelers like ourselves. Older folks don't do that. Younger folks love to save memories. Older people tend to complain about their next health adventure on the road. Ugh. I feel privileged to be on the adventure with the young folks who are so kind and smiley.
In my 60's, it was the ER drive to Seattle from Vancouver, BC. I just didn't trust the health care system there. I'd rather drive all the way home and do surgery while being travel sick than be away from my trusted places that I went through great pains to place in my life.
Daughter wants us to take a train to see her, but she moved away from a decent hospital, so that isn't happening. Sigh. When we age, we need to be less adventurous. And frankly,
We are here, just 2 1/2 hours from our beloved believers gang. If we need to travel from there back here, it's 2 hours' drive. Bethel is our Israel destination local to us. They are global and people travel from all over the globe to fellowship and train at this great place. It's why we are this close and not closer. We are in proximity to an airlift, if needed. Meanwhile, Bill prays for a great hospital in Redding. I know this scenario well.
Being older is such a blessing to us. A new experience for us, with older rock and rollers (not us; they remind us of his brother) dancing the early evening away. We learned to dance for our old age. I'm glad we are here and that we know better than to spend everything on travel. Speaking of which...
I'm sorry for the offspring of those folks who are just not mindful of their kids. Unless they just have a lot to spare. I'm happy that we get to bless our kids and we won't be here for the thank you. It's something we didn't have ourselves. Didn't prepare them well for college because Steven was in college when they were growing up and he wasn't done until they were grown. So sad. It taught us that we can do better than that. Every generation should do better than the last. We have these sorrows in common. Double whammy on the family inheritance. Poetry!
So us hanging out with really well off individuals and people with many grandkids who dance with them on the dance floor on Friday nights is a thing. Do they realize that if they just stay put, their families will do so much better? Nothing like hitting the brakes on your family. It's at that realization of inheritance's benefit that you get that family is so important. I think my dad got that in his old age when he realized that his mom gave him a boost. He tried, but the way he was in personality wouldn't work to be living with any of us. His inheritance went to that folly and he died broke, leaving what he had left inadvertently to one son of six offspring.
I'm happy that cameras are so well made now. It really is like being there :)
Love this community of peoples who come from all kinds of places. The one thing we have in common is the planning of aging stage. It brings us all together. Our younger families don't get this like we all do. They don't understand aging at all. Daughter refuses to enter the lodge area because of the old folks. For us, it's home. Our son would love this life. Maybe he'll do it later. He has no idea that we live like this. But he is just starting to get on his feet in his 40's and he did it with Jesus. Jesus just knows what to do.
What to do on a rest day...
Explore Bethel's book store. I wanted to check out something I saw advertised on FB recently.
Update: Found it :) Got it and another one from Randy Clark on healing. He's at Bethel right now, this week. I found that if I know where his heart is in detail, I do these conferences better. There is so much to read at their bookstore. One of those things we have time now to do together. That's been a renewed share with us. I used to read to Steven as he worked on the car, before kids.
As Steven reclaims his place in Jesus as knowing Him in 3rd grade, but just carnal for a while, then being married and going off for 27 years on his own adventure and now having returned from it and assuming that third grade beginning again, I wonder about the growth aspect. Maybe being detained spiritually is just part of being a worker bee in the secular world. He's more open, but also very babyish (narrow) about his perspective of our place in Jesus on Earth. I don't see the growth that should be there over the years, but Jesus knows where he's coming from. The book I got today for us to read next places me in the beginnings of my art, painting, where Steven has been since he was young. We'll let a spiritual artist take us to a different level at the same starting point. It can happen :) I love the idea of growing spiritually as a full time activity. No distractions anymore. He reminds me so much of his eldest brother, kind of just sticking to one subject in life, his secular work. Maybe we need to do some housecleaning. Maybe our fun stuff is too worldly and takes up space. I don't know.
A leader recently said not to do these journaling things online. But this is private and not on social media. I hope he's doing it somewhere :) I don't have anyone to process with. Steven doesn't get this. He is grateful for his continuing miraculous life and doesn't go past the one subject, even whispering it as the answer to every question in our books. I wonder if that isn't what happened to his brother. If you refuse to grow, does your dialogue just stop in its tracks on that one favorite subject? Like if you make a face often enough, it'll freeze that way?
Here is another opportunity to go forward. With all these new things, books, experiences, I get very excited and get to learn new things. I don't miss out. I don't want Steven to miss out as we are doing these things together.
Later...
Steven naps. But we did things today:
Out to breakfast at Four sisters. Yum attack! Got the call he was expecting as we awaited our food. All is well. Another idea came to mind after they chatted :) A way to deal with things at 70.
Costco, ouch my feet.
Home to browse and think about things we've been putting off. Like a scooter for me. Or that podiatrist and PT referral for my back and shoulders. I suppose I should do these things while I can, before April.
Looked at RVs. Found another solution RV. How about a cushy traveling van with the added hidden popup? It's higher than the other kind we were looking at, when the thing is collapsed. Anyone looking inside can see that it's just a van. No longer than any other car on a driveway here...
Now, for sitting on our hands for a while...
This is a new day for us. Thank You, Papa.
Later... As we started to watch a lame movie found on Paramount, the eldest called. Poor crazy gal actually told me I was losing my mind. Sigh. Because I was fidgeting with my uncomfortable braces on the FaceTime. She taunted just like she did when we were young. Only I'm too far for her to beat up. Her hubby's hands have been full for years... Now she's losing it so much. I was reminded of mom's last days. She saw Jesus and enjoyed His company while her daughter did her mean thing (ignoring what she asked for and shouting orders). I assured her that end of life things are unpredictable and in the end, we are all responsible for making arrangements.
Other things have come up just today as we had our mystery solved to our advantage. There is a bit of mom cash coming to help pay for her final resting place that she insisted getting. I thought that was done, but it isn't.
Why the sudden contact? It was her birthday and I initiated a sibling chat to say happy birthday. The other siblings also said happy birthday. I somehow knew she would be in contact now. And she was. She didn't know how to do this. My brother's widow has called her for help with hubby's bonds. She wanted to tell me she wasn't ready. I assured her that nobody wants to deal with it. The eldest's answer is always no. It's all about her. I assured her that it was really all about our brother who died. Their long relationship. We are all a mess. It's not just her, but to her, it is and always has been. I assured her that the widow is in the worst spot. He was sick for 4 long years. She doesn't care about that. But she has talked with the stepmother, who is wicked and I gave her a clue. I wish she was nice, but she's not. She's been riding her, especially since he died. So mean.
So here we are. Humanity all ugly spread about. Jesus died for us because we just can't do right without Him. Thank You for Your great sacrifice. And for Your healing that happens when asked :) And sometimes eventually because we just don't know to ask.
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