12/2/23 Up

 After an uncomfortable confrontation tonight, I'm up. Tried sleeping earlier, but that messes with my sleep routine of retiring at 12am, so I lay there for an hour. Oops. Time to be up and go back down. That's the way it works.

Being grateful is the only way out of this awakening. Looking around at my Christmas decor on display and knowing that I really got a great present for Christmas: A great outcome for the project we've been working on for quite a while. A good result from lots of research.

Going through the ornaments, I picked some and Steven picked his favorites for this year. We have so many that we can just go through them instead of shopping for new ones, and find things that remind us of this year. Steven thought of that this year.

For me, it was Vineyard Santa Maria church

Marching band guy

Lizzie

The animals, dad's tin soldier, Adam's stocking, Myrtle's stocking. I forgot what the extra stockings were for and I guess we got extras for when Adam, Laura and Kailey were with us back when. Adam on the scooter, Charlie Brown band, the ginger bread house, a disney music box, the Everett fireplace, the santa hats and sweaters, the candy cane lane sign and a couple on the lighted artificial tree we replaced last year. Bath hand towels. Yeah, the rest of the tin soldiers: Elvis, the miner, the sax player stuffed animal. I think that's enough.

I managed to not flip the Blaze calendar from October until the last day of November :) Current now in December :)

What can we get next year?

Gift people

a motorhome, if cheap enough

with the motorhome, we can see Napa Valley

give more to Bethel

help our kids better

fix up the patio

get a housekeeper

send school money to Blaze. help with his airfare here.

take short land trips

not have to take out loans to catch up.

see what it really takes to be retired by the month

do some conferences. a neighbor has a good pet sitter.

I am grateful that it wasn't like Susan said for us. Her disability was better than her retirement, but I forgot that her disability was from SS and that is slightly higher than her retirement. Ahhh...

Im grateful that the way some big companies work, they actually set you up to retire by making you put your raises into savings that they invest with. 

Im grateful that Steven got a degree in business, though it was long coming, and he had few options, but business was one of them. Since he pretty much decided his life without my input, I've just now figured out that he did it all for the purpose of getting to this point. It's hard to be left in the dark all the time.

But other things come with single income families, like leaving the band a tip. He likes to do that alone. It's his money.

We have working moms because some men don't really believe the money isn't all theirs. Like my dad. Well, he thinks all money is his anyway, under his roof.

Even so, I haven't put myself out there in this house. I've let Steven just stomp around and enjoy his last days. But these are also my last days. Maybe I'm tired and just don't want the disruption.

It's 1:37am now. The nights can be a quiet time. What is up tomorrow? 

What would I like for Christmas? I like colorful blouses that are long. They cover my (still there) love handles. I look forward to losing more weight. It's a lifestyle for me, this keto thing. Steven can't lose more, but I'm set on doing more pound loss. 

Thankful for my wall of people, that only two are missing and no one is suffering.

I pray Adam miracles in the wild and with work. May he find the wisdom to solve his housing stuff. There's a great place waiting for him :)

Later... Managed to sleep again, yay. Up at exactly 9am. Thanks, Papa.

Looking for Xmas presents today. Ugh. I'd rather go to a store, but it's the weekend. 

Extra long leg stuff means men's more comfy pants. Steven's researching leg warmers. He found stuff in Scotland but he's also doing laundry, so...

Don't like this autocorrect that begins all my sentences. Christmas lights are on, background lights on dim. Dark days now. Need sunlight.

Up a pound from last night's clam chowder which is basically anethema for diabetics: i.e., potato soup with clams. In Heaven, no bad foods sneaking into any menu every again.